


hold me now

by ravenclawswimmer



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Denial, F/F, So much denial, so far in the closet they should move their one bed in there
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-11
Updated: 2019-05-01
Packaged: 2020-01-11 19:15:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 21,941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18430367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ravenclawswimmer/pseuds/ravenclawswimmer
Summary: Kara and Lena reflect on how dumb they were in college and how long it took them to realize they had feelings for each other. College! One bed! Spring break! Friends totally do these things with each other, right?





	1. don't start shaking

“This is like… some sort of strange online dating.” Kara said with a frown as they peered at her laptop. They were relaxing after an especially long work day on their favorite couch in their living room, sipping on glasses of red wine.

“Online dating, but creepier,” Lena agreed, already slightly flushed from the wine.

Kara paused from scrolling on her laptop to look up at her wife. “Well, I’m certainly glad we didn’t have to online date. What do you put in your profile? What photos do you post? How much do you message somebody before asking them out? How do you know they aren’t going to murder you in your sleep? Ugh, it seems exhausting.”

Lena rolled her eyes. “If we had to online date, we would never have found each other. As it was, we did our best to ignore everything that was happening.” Lena leaned over, resting her head on Kara’s shoulder.

“We were idiots,” Kara replied with a dreamy smile.

Lena hummed into her wine glass in agreement. “Idiots is an understatement.” 

\--  
[12 years ago]

Lena was softly drumming her fingers against the steering wheel of her sedan, lost in thought. She hummed to the Bright Eyes album that was playing from her Ipod rigged through the tape player. She was relived to be on her way back to National City University after winter break her second year. She honestly didn’t know if she was more excited to be escaping her family or more excited to see her best friend. 

The holidays had been fine. Normal and fine. She stood by and watched the praise her older brother garnered from their mom, happily fading into the background. Lex was perfect at everything while Lena couldn’t quite do anything well enough for a Luthor, and that’s just the way things had always been. Though her mom would never admit it, Lena knew she would never live up to the family expectations because she was adopted. How her father had convinced her mom to adopt, she would never know. Lex always tried to be supportive, but he never really understood what it was like to be the littler Luthor. Not that it mattered much because he was off running the big family business in Metropolis now anyways. He was only home to visit for a few days over her extended break; hardly the buffer he used to be. All in all, Lena wouldn’t have even come home except her dorm was closed and she figured her childhood home was better than no home at all.

She had managed to avoid her mother for the most of their two weeks together by hiding away in her room and instant messaging her friends from the robotics team. Lena sighed. The stupid robotics team. She had joined solely to piss off her mom and was a little annoyed she loved it so much now. When she left for college, her mom had been clear with what Lena's goals should be. She wanted her to go to school, graduate early, and be ready to work at Luthor Corp as soon as humanly possible. Enjoying college and participating with “frivolous clubs and other wastes of time” were not in her plan. Inevitably, Lena joined clubs, took classes outside her major, and was in no hurry to graduate early. She had fun the first year on the robotics team, but this year was even better. Mostly because of Kara.

Lena let out another audible sigh as she drove down the open highway, leaned back in her seat, watching trees pass. There was something intoxicating about being around Kara. Her enthusiasm was infectious and she could get Lena to do anything, including sitting for hours in the dining hall during lunch. Sure, there were other things she could probably be doing with her time than watching Kara pound plate after plate of carefully crafted courses, selecting only the best from each food line, in new experimental combinations each pass. It’s not that Lena didn’t like the dining hall food. It was a nice change after years of formal eating with the Luthors. But it was just, you know, dining hall food. To Kara it was a whole experience. On most days, Lena found herself taking an extended lunch between classes, laughing at the inspirational waffle sandwich and lack of greens on her friend’s plate.

In the fall, in addition to eating together practically every day, they also started to study together at the library. A lot of their friends liked to study in the undergrad library, but that was not where you got the best studying done. It was too loud, too busy, and smelled like French fries. Science majors went to the main library. Serious science majors had their favorite floor. Kara and Lena had their favorite table. It was quiet, isolated, surrounded by rows of books except for one small window on the side that faced the quad. Not a big enough window to lose their focus, but something to remind them that time was passing as they memorized physics equations and looked at molecular models of organic compounds. Lena knew from a young age she was going to have to major in the hard sciences to work at Luthor Corp, but Kara seemed as lost now as she did on the first year. Kara knew she wanted to make a difference in the world but didn’t seem to know how. Not only did she enjoy all of the introductory classes she took, but she also, annoyingly, excelled at everything. Lena rolled her eyes. Kara had no idea how great she was.

As if summoned from her internal thoughts, Lena’s phone vibrated in the cup holder. She flipped it open to see a text from Kara.

U back yet? OC?

Lena smiled. Building robots, transforming the dining hall meatloaf into something palatable, finding the perfect study table were all useful endeavors. However, the most vital thing in her life was watching the OC with Kara. Lena’s suitemate Eve had the entire series on DVD and because Lena had watched very little TV growing up, Kara was on a mission to make up for lost time. Lena had tried to explain that she spent most of her free time as a youth learning to code, going to cotillion to learn manners, and required piano lessons, but Kara wanted to introduce to her the world of teen soap operas that her and her sister had loved growing up. 

Lena let cruise control take her the rest of the way back to campus. She parked, grabbed her bags of clothes, and heaved them up to her second-floor dorm. When she opened the door, her roommate Sam was already packing up to leave for the night to visit her boyfriend. They exchanged quick hellos then quick goodbyes, and consequently, Lena found herself alone in her dorm.

Once Lena was settled, she opened up her laptop and signed on to AIM. Immediately, she got a message from Kara.

SuperKaraBot- how was the drive?  
LilLuth0r- not too bad  
LilLuth0r- Sam just left if you want to come over  
SuperKaraBot- ahhhh yes! I can’t believe we haven’t watched any oc in weeks  
LilLuth0r- I mean, you’ve seen them all right? you know what happens?  
SuperKaraBot- but you haven’t! i’ve been waiting on this next episode alllllllll break  
LilLuth0r- calm down and come over  
SuperKaraBot- :-P

Lena flipped through her planner as she waited for her friend to arrive. While she was looking forward to coming back to school, the fact that she had to start classes again was not quite a thrilling prospect. It wasn’t long before she heard an excited knock. When she opened the door, she was attacked with a very exuberant hug. She buried her face in the blonde curls she had missed so much over the break. She breathed in the warm vanillia scent that followed her friend around- she wasn’t really sure if it was body wash or just the amount of cupcakes Kara ate. Either way there was no mistaking the sweet, comforting fragrance. Kara held on tight and it seemed like Kara missed her just as much as she had missed Kara. 

Lena got the DVD player set up while Kara unpacked all the snacks she brought. As Kara unveiled the last of what was in her pack, Lena’s eyes narrowed. With a flourish, Kara unfolded a very interestingly shaped blanket.

“Please tell me that is not what I think it is.” Lena said hesitantly.

“It’s a Snuggie! A blanket-“ Kara jammed her arms through two rings of fabric “-with sleeves!”

“You told me you were giving that to your sister. Not buying one for yourself.”

“I did give one to Alex!” Kara paused, smiling even wider. “But she ALSO gave one to me! I guess great minds-“

“Do not finish that sentence,” Lena interrupted.

“You’re just mad because you don’t have one of your own.”

Lena didn’t dignify that with a response.

Kara continued, “Well, what did you get from Lex?”

“Luther Corp stock options.”

Kara laughed. “So festive! Nothing like waking up Christmas morning and getting the potential to trade your families company stock at a predetermined price!”

“Yes, Luthors have always been great at holidays,” Lena deadpanned.

“Which is why I have been so excited about this episode.” Kara could barely contain the excitement seeping from her body. Lena arched an eyebrow. “Chrismukkah! It’s finally happening!”

Unable to delay the blonde’s enthusiasm any longer, Lena pressed play. They lounged on the floor pillows beneath Sam’s lofted bed, watching one too many episodes and catching up on their crazy families. As the night wore on, gravity pulled them lower and lower into the pillows, leaning on each other trying to keep their eyes open. Before Lena was ready, Kara was packing up her bookbag and giving her friend a quick hug. Classes started back the next morning and they should probably get some sleep.

\--

They fell back into their easy rhythm of studying, eating, and watching TV as the semester began in earnest. They purposely signed up for as many of the same classes as they could. When they couldn’t take the exact same classes, they tried to at least be in class at the same time so they were on a similar schedule. The robotics team was hard at work on their latest build, getting ready for the competition season that started soon. The club met two nights a week but it did not seem like enough time to get everything ready by the tournament they were going to in March. The stress began to show during their second meeting back.

“All I’m saying is we should reinforce our shell instead of trying to make our spinner heavier” James continued on his unending battle to convince the team that they needed to be more worried about defense.

Lena sighed and interrupted. “That continues to be the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. What wins these matches? Attacking the other bots. Not taking hits.”

James narrowed his eyes. “Look, we don’t want to make the bot unbalanced focusing too much our weapon… Plus we have to be prepared to at least take some hits during the competition.” 

Lena took a step closer to James, sticking her chest out proud, and completely unafraid of the towering man standing before her. “If you had it your way, our bot would be a box on wheels with a giant shield.”

James rolled his eyes. “That is not what I am saying. Let’s just reinforce the bot and leave the spinner how it is…”

Lena crossed her arms and opened her mouth, but Winn cut in trying to ease the tension. “Kara? Thoughts?”

“Well, I get that we want to be prepared for hits, but in the end I think a better offense is the best defense…” Kara tentatively stated, raising her eyebrows in apology towards James.

James rolled his eyes and scoffed, “You would agree with Lena.”

Winn whispered towards James, “What’d you expect?”

Now it was Kara’s turn to roll her eyes. Lena already knew she was right, but couldn’t help but smirk smugly at the support.

\--

Classes, clubs, everything was back in session, including parties. Lena’s ideal party consisted of her and Sam inviting their hallmates over, playing beer pong on the plywood board placed on top of their two desk chairs, and dancing the night away to reggaeton. But when she got invited to her friend Winn’s house for a celebration of one of his roommates becoming a bartender, she could hardly say no. Especially if Kara was going, too.

They met at Lena’s dorm so she could drive them over to the off-campus apartment. Her friend arrived in simple blouse and jeans but Lena couldn’t help but notice how effortlessly beautiful she was, blonde curls falling gently across her bare shoulders. Lena did her best to not feel self-conscious in what she was wearing and grabbed her keys off of her dresser. They drove over together, recounting the latest escapades building robots.

“Yeah but do you think Winn is going to try out his beer serving robot tonight?” Kara asked.

“You mean the one that exploded yesterday?”

“Yeah!”

“….I think he should let his bartending friend serve all the alcohol tonight.”

“I mean, what if we wanted a flaming shot?”

Lena took her eyes off the road and gave Kara a skeptical look. “You’re going to drink a shot that is on fire?”

“You don’t know me!” Kara paused thoughtfully. “I might.”

Lena patted her on the leg. “Yeah, okay. I can’t wait to see it.”

When they arrived at Winn’s house, the party had already started. There was a poster on the wall that had “congrats” spelled out in beer bottle caps above what looked like a well stocked bar with a bartender ready to make some drinks. Lena sized up the ingredients on the table and decided she was always in the mood for whiskey.

She made eyes at the bartender and ordered an “Old fashioned.” 

“Sure. And you?”

Kara “Martini?”

Lena raised an eyebrow and whispered, “Have you ever had a martini?”

“No… but Lorelai always drinks them and makes it look cool.”

Lena smiled. It didn’t seem like the best idea to base your drink choice on your favorite TV character… But Kara always subscribed to her own logic.

The bartender presented their two drinks with a proud flourish. Kara smelled Lena’s drink and made a face.

“Ugh. It smells like frat boy,” exclaimed Kara.

“No, it smells like my dad’s liquor cabinet.”

“Lena Luthor- always the rebel!” Kara said sticking her tongue out. 

Lena shook her head and waited for Kara to try her martini. Kara took a tentative sip and started coughing. Lena gave her a knowing smirk and pulled her friend along to mingle.

With a drink in her hand, Lena felt just a little more at ease. She nursed it, liking the feeling of having something in her hand to sip on while trying to make conversations with people she didn’t really care about. The light buzz the alcohol brought probably helped, too. As she looked around the room, she realized how little of the people here she actually knew and once again found herself grateful she had Kara by her side. Kara never seemed overwhelmed in any social situation. A true extrovert, she loved talking to everyone and anyone she could. Lena was content to stand by her side and let the conversations about classes, college basketball, the best cheap beer wash over her.

They met up with Winn and James and got roped into a game of beer pong. Lena, who was not as good as she wanted to be, but never willing to admit that fact, agreed with Kara as her partner. She loved watching Kara’s face light up with joy whenever she made a shot and how seriously she took the game no matter what the stakes were. 

As the night wore on and the party thinned, Lena and Kara lounged on one of the massive couches in the living room. Lena leaned with her head on the back of the couch, holding the blonde’s feet in her lap, eyes unfocused, listening to the music. They were both sipping on cups of water, trying to prevent the inevitable from occurring the following morning. Winn said they could stay the night rather than drive home and they were content to relax together waiting for chaos swirling around to still.

Lena peered down at her friend to see her eyes closed, breathing slow and even. She absentmindedly let her right thumb brush over Kara’s jeans, liking the way the rough denim felt against the pad of her finger. Eventually, Winn brought down his full sized air mattress for the two of them. Lena gently lifted Kara’s feet off of her and helped him set it up beside the dinning room table that was shoved to the side of the room. Kara woke with a start when the loud air compressor came to life slowly inflating their bed for the night. With the amount of people trying to squish in their house, Lena was glad to have the air mattress instead of the floor. 

When Kara got back from the bathroom, Lena took her chance to empty her bladder and wash her face. When she came back to the room, Kara was already curled up on the air mattress and somebody else had claimed the couch. So, she nudged her friend over trying to make room and grabbed some of the blanket. As she laid down, she felt the room start to slowly spin and she closed her eyes. She took a deep breath but couldn’t shake the feeling caused by too much alcohol. She gently placed her arm on her friend to try to ground herself. She felt an unwavering pull, forcing her body closer and closer Kara, which she blamed on the sinking air mattress. She could feel her friend’s warmth despite trying to keep a few inches between them. With her eyes closed, the only thing she was aware of was just how close her body was to Kara’s, the all encompassing smell of vanilla, and the feeling of her world slowly, slowly whirling around her. She drifted off to sleep, keeping her arm across Kara’s stomach.

\--

When she woke up, it was still dark. She was completely wrapped around her friend and was holding onto her like her life depended on it. Her face was buried deep in the blonde curls and she let out a contented sigh before her consciousness took over. It took her a second to realize where she was and what she was holding onto because she had never before woken up so close to another person. She had conflicting feelings of never wanting to let go because everything felt warm and perfect, but also that this was something that she shouldn’t be doing. As she felt Kara start to stir, and she loosened her grip. Kara rolled over and gave her a sleepy smile. Their faces were inches from each other. 

Lena took a deep breath and sat up quick, deciding to put distance between her and her friend. Distance between her and whatever was going on inside of her. She felt tingling all over and instantly regretted leaving the safe cocoon of the tiny air mattress. She stood up, watching Kara sink a little deeper into the mattress as the air shifted, Kara’s eyes still closed. As she walked to the bathroom, she felt a warm slickness pooling between her legs. All she could do was to splash water in her face to try to clear her head.  
Explanations ran through her mind. The window was open. She was just cold. There was nothing wrong holding her best friend. She was drunk. Nothing happened. Nothing happened, right? Her head was pounding, her throat was dry, and her teeth felt… fuzzy. She used her shirt to wipe off whatever was growing in her mouth and took a sip of water from the sink. She was fine. Nothing unusual was going on. She would just go back to the tiny air mattress, lay down beside her best friend, spoon for warmth, and they could be on their way in the morning.

As soon as her body hit the mattress, Kara clung to her like a sloth on a tree. Lena tried desperately to think about anything other than the fact that Kara’s breasts were pressed up lightly against her back. But if she wasn’t thinking about her friend’s body spooning hers, she was thinking about her shirt slowly riding up her stomach, and the fact that she could feel her friend’s pinky finger directly on the skin of her stomach, her skin heating up at the light touch.

Lena laid with her eyes open, unable to fall back asleep. The room had stopped spinning, but there was no stopping her thoughts from swirling in her hungover, sleep deprived brain. She willed the sun to come up so she could find a way to extricate herself from this position without doing something that would ruin her friendship with the person that was the very best thing to happen in her life. As the other revelers started to wake up and bustle around the room, Kara eventually let go of her tree. They made quick and quiet work of folding the small fleece blanket and rolling up the deflated mattress. Lena was relieved that nobody seemed to be too chatty this morning. She knew everyone else was avoiding noise due to hangover self-preservation, but she was avoiding any discussion of how she slept the previous night.

As they made their way to the car, Kara shivered. “It got cold last night!”

Lena glanced at her friend, trying to gauge if they were only talking about the weather. Kara’s blue eyes had the same bright glow they always did, no evidence of further prodding.

“Yeah. It is winter.”

Kara brushed her shoulder against Lena. “Really? I had no idea!” Kara blew out a breath and watched the warm, moist air slowly dissipate in the cold.

At the car, Lena started the engine, cranked the heat, and switched the middle vents to point towards her friend. 

Kara murmured “Thanks!”

Lena looked over at Kara who was relaxing in the passenger seat, small smile on her face, looking just like nothing had changed. Lena snapped her attention back to the road and realized that for Kara, maybe nothing had changed. She repeated her mantra from earlier in the morning. It was cold. There was nothing odd about cuddling with your best friend when you are sharing a bed. She told herself she was relieved that they weren’t going to talk about what she didn’t want to talk about.

Kara, concerned over her friend’s uncharacteristic quietness, asked “Are you feeling okay?”

Lena gave her what she hoped was a reassuring smile, “Oh, I’m just a little tired. I think I need a nap.”

Kara nodded. “Nap sounds great. Then we will be ready for more OC!”

Lena chuckled. After dropping off Kara at her dorm, she found herself once again lost in thought in her car. Still thinking about Kara. Always thinking about Kara.

\--


	2. don't ever think you're the only one

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a little shorter but things are starting to heat up!
> 
> Also, I regret putting them in the robotics club. All of my knowledge about this is based on 3 episodes of Battlebots that I watched 2 years ago.

[present day]

“Do you remember Winn’s bartending roommate’s party?” Lena asked, head still on her wife’s shoulder. 

“Ha!” Kara laughed so abruptly that Lena had to steady herself with her hands to keep from falling off of her wife. “Of course, I do.”

“Did you know then?” Lean softly questioned, gently rubbing Kara’s soft cardigan between her thumb and index finger.

“Know what? That we were going to end up together?”

Lena hummed in agreement.

“No. I also didn’t know when we were camping. It took an embarrassing amount of time to realize.”

\--  
[12 years ago]

As the weekend passed with no mention of the party and no change in Kara’s behavior, Lena relaxed and convinced herself that she had made up whatever weird feelings she had that night. Kara certainly seemed completely unaffected by their snuggling for warmth, so Lena decided that was just what close friends did. They continued to spend almost every waking hour together, including eating lunch at the dining hall.

“Kara, how are you still eating?” Lena asked eyeing the third tray the blonde had brought over.

Kara looked down and shrugged, “I’m hungry?”

“How are you not 500 pounds?”

“Look, I may eat a large quantity, but it’s well balanced.”

Lena raised her eyebrows in disbelief. “Balanced?”

Kara smiled, her eyebrows adorably crinkling together. “Oh yeah. My diet is super balanced.”

“You are literally eating fruit loops right now.”

“… your point?”

Kara was saved from Lena’s inevitable rant on diabetes and heart disease as Winn came over.

“I thought I would find you guys here,” Winn said with a smile. “Did you hear that Ben Folds is coming to play at campus?”

Kara’s eyeballs enlarged to saucers in excitement, but she was unable to confirm her feelings until she had chewed and swallowed the massive bite of sugary, colorful cereal. Lena looked on in amusement.

After a big swallow, Kara asked, “WHEN?”

“Next month. But tickets go on sale this Thursday morning.”

“Let’s go!”

“Well, yes. That would be ideal. But the tickets are definitely going to sell out. People are going to start camping out Wednesday night to get in line…. And I have work Wednesday night.” Winn gave Kara a pleading look.

Kara frowned. “No problem! Lena and I can camp to hold our place in line.”

Lena looked skeptical. She would do a lot of things for Kara Danvers but camping might be where she drew the line.

“Are you sure?” Winn asked.

Kara bobbed her head in affirmation without even confirming with Lena. When Winn looked over at her, eyes still earnest, Lena reluctantly gave a small nod. Winn high fived both ladies on his way out of the dining hall.

“I’m so excited we get to use my tent!” Kara exclaimed, forgotten cereal slowly staining the milk into a Pollock painting.

Lena shouldn’t have been surprised that Kara had a tent in her dorm room, but had to ask anyways, “Why exactly do you have a tent at college?”

“Wilderness club! I haven’t been in a while.” Kara looked off into space thoughtfully. “There are some weird guys in that club.” She snapped her attention back to Lena. “But I’m so glad I get to use it with you!”

Yep. Nothing like sleeping on the ground when she had a nice warm bed in her dorm.

\--

As Wednesday night neared and Lena actually thought about what their night was going to involve, she became more and more concerned. Not only was she going to have to sleep on the ground, in a tent, without electricity, but she was going to be sleeping right next to her best friend for the second time in two weeks. Sure, everything had gone back to normal after last weekend, helped by the fact that they did not discuss the excessive spooning or the undeniable, magnetic draw their bodies had for each other. Not talking about it, however, did not change the fact that Lena could not forget the feeling of being wrapped so tightly in Kara’s deceptively strong arms. To make matters worse, from how Kara was acting, she wasn’t even sure if Kara remembered doing it. It could all be a drunken haze after one too many Lorelai martinis. What was going to happen tomorrow night with no frontal lobe impairment to blame it on?

“Lena, are you even studying?” Kara asked, leaning closer to Lena’s open notebook. “You haven’t turned the page in a long time. You’re also literally staring at the back of a bookshelf.”

Lena shrugged. “Well you know how captivating organic chemistry is… Also, what do you think that stain is on the bookshelf?”

Kara turned where Lena was pointing and made a face of disgust. “Are you so motivated to avoid studying that you are giving yourself some sort of weird ink blot test?”

Lena squinted her eyes, trying her best to blur the lines of the stain to make it into a familiar object. “Bird?”

“Plane?” Kara suggested.

“We probably should take a psych course before trying this.”

Kara turned back to look at Lena, blue eyes questioning what Lena was actually thinking about. Lena made it a point to look down at her notes to at least pretend she was studying, fruitlessly trying to focus on carbon structure. Every time Kara adjusted her hair, the wave of vanilla brought a flush to Lena’s cheeks with the urge to scoot her chair closer and closer to Kara’s. The smell activated some sort of overpowering, primitive drive in Lena that left her unable to concentrate on anything in her notes.

\--

Just like all dreaded things, Wednesday night approached with such velocity that Lena did not have time to garner a game plan. When she arrived outside the ticket office on campus, she saw Kara behind a few other eager groups. Kara was flipping through her art history book and Lena smiled. That girl really had wide ranging tastes. No wonder she had no idea what she wanted to do with her life. 

“Hmmm. You haven’t dropped the art history class yet?” Lena asked as she plopped down beside her friend.

“Dropped it? No way. We aren’t even to the good stuff yet and it’s so interesting.”

Lena looked skeptically at her friend. “I don’t think you’d find it as interesting if you had been dragged to so many art museums at a young age…”

Kara leaned over bumping Lena’s shoulder. “A lot of things are a lot more fun when you get to choose to do them, instead of being forced.”

“If you say so.” Lena pointed to the open art history book. “If you ever want to go see some of these in person, just let me know.”

Kara smiled, “I thought you didn’t like throwing your name around to get further ahead in life?”

“I don’t mind making exceptions...” Lena shrugged and looked around. “Well, where are we sleeping tonight? I see no tent.”

“You’re going to have to help me set it up!” Kara explained.

Lena let a groan. It was bad enough she had to sleep in the tent. She also had to set it up? Kara was unaffected by the grumbling and hopped up, taking the tent bag, and unceremoniously shaking out all the contents. As it turns out, the nicer the tent you have, the easier it is to set up. Lena tried to hide how impressed she was with the engineering of the lightweight, foldable poles.

Once they had a home for the night, Kara left Lena in charge of keeping their place in line while she went to get hibachi to share. It was one of their favorite places to go off campus and not only did Kara know her order but after eating there weekly, Lena was pretty sure all cashiers at the restaurant did, too. They tried to study after dinner but found the ground uncomfortable, the light of their laptops too glaring, and the entire experience unproductive. It was too cold outside their tent so they huddled in their sleeping bags and talked quietly while waiting for sleep to come. They talked about nothing in particular but always seemed to have things to say to each other. Kara was the best at making Lena laugh, though Lena was unsure if it was on purpose or not the majority of the time.

Against Lena’s better judgement, they decided that the best was to beat the cold during that January night was to unzip their separate sleeping bags and zip them together, making one pocket large enough for two people. As she snuggled back inside the warm bubble, now with no barrier between her and her friend, she kept telling herself it was purely to beat the cold. It was self-preservation. 

They laid down face to face, legs intertwining under the guise of seeking more body heat. Lena could feel the pull starting once again as they said good night to each other, this time without the sinking air mattress to blame it on. Instead of turning away, Lena felt Kara inch her way closer. Lena could feel Kara’s hot breath against her cheek as Kara’s thigh found its way between Lena’s legs. Lena felt a shiver go down her spine as wetness immediately pooled between her legs. She pushed her thigh into Kara’s space and felt Kara’s arms grip around her tightly. Her body started to press itself slowly, slowly against Kara’s leg on its own accord as Lena tried to keep her breathing level. Lena rubbed her hands over the back of Kara’s shirt feeling her muscles tighten as they both moved rhythmically against each other. Lena pressed her cheek firmly against Kara’s, but was careful to not let her lips touch Kara’s skin, for fear of that being too intimate. As the tension rose, so did the speed of their rhythm, building and building though never reaching the pinnacle. Lena, knowing how surrounded they were, was careful to let no sounds escape her mouth despite the feelings that Kara had awakened. It felt like a dream. As thoughts of “is this really happening” rolled around, Lena never allowed herself to answer, scared to acknowledge the line they were starting cross. 

Lena didn’t remember falling asleep, but when her cellphone alarm went off the next morning, she woke up with a jerk, still in Kara’s arms. Kara looked adorably confused at the insistent beeping, with her hair pooling around her head and the morning sun rays barely seeping through the tent. Lena tried to disentangle her thigh from where it was pinned between Kara’s legs, only to be met with an annoyed grumble. Lena flushed, remembering the feeling of grinding against her friend.  
Lena finally escaped the knot of limbs to turn off her alarm and covered her face with her hand, silently staring at the curved dome of the tent. When she felt Kara’s eyes boring into her, she turned to see an unreadable expression on her friend’s face. Lena, unwilling to break the silence, stared back. Eventually a full bladder forced a loss in their impromptu staring contest and Lena slipped on her shoes and shuffled to the bathroom in one on the adjacent buildings. 

She once again found herself splashing water in her face, repeating lines that became more and more fragile with each refrain. It was cold. They were friends. This is what friends do? Lena hadn’t had many close female friends, so she reasoned that maybe this really was a normal occurrence for close friends. Perhaps this is why everybody loved going to the sleepovers that she wasn’t invited to when she was growing up. Certainly, she had no idea what other female friends did when she wasn’t around.

When she got back to the tent, Kara had already disjoined their sleeping bags and was in the process of stuffing hers into its small carrying bag. Lena was relieved when their unspoken rule of not speaking about the nights escapades wordlessly continued. She could almost convince herself that nothing out of the ordinary had happened were if not for the warmth that blossomed on her skin whenever it made contact with Kara.

They spoke quietly and laughed softly breaking down the tent while waiting for the ticket office to open. Once opened, the line moved quickly and before Lena knew it, they had their tickets and were heading to the dining hall for breakfast. They dropped off their bags at the dorm, switched out books for class that day, and headed out like it was any other day.

\--

When they got to robotics clubs that night, Winn accosted them as soon as they set foot in the lab.

“Did you get them?” Winn asked, eyes unblinking.

“You know it!” Kara responded.

Winn started singing “aaaaannnd I know… I know… that I am the luckiest.” Kara, clearly moved, joined in while Lena shook her head. She should have known she’d only have friends that were nerds if she made friends with people who liked to build robots. “I hope that sleeping outside wasn’t too uncomfortable! I really owe you guys one.”

Lena pressed her lips together, unwanted images of Kara’s muscles flexing as their bodies crashed together passed through her mind and left her unable to form coherent sentences. 

Kara seemed equally uncomfortable, adjusting her glasses and letting out a sharp chuckle. “Oh! It really wasn’t so bad.”

Winn, unaware of the flashbacks clouding his friends’ memories, continued, “I mean, I know that ground was hard. And it was so cold last night! I didn’t think my car was going to start after work.”

Lena thought she could definitely respond to this. After all, her mantra for the past week was based on the outdoor temperature. She did her best to put on a blank face and say in an even tone, “Yes, it was cold.” She could once again feel Kara’s eyes on her, but kept looking resolutely at Winn.

“Team!” Lucy bellowed getting everyone’s attention. Never had there been a more welcomed interruption. “We’ve got our tournament in FOUR weeks. I know everyone is feeling confident about our build, but we need still need to decide whose driving during the main event.” Shouts of suggestions cut through the room. Lucy held up her hand to silence everyone. “Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everybody’s the best. I’ve set up a few challenges to see who is actually the greatest at maneuvering and controlling Red Tornado. First up, time trials.”

Lucy brought everybody the hallway and they saw a course on the floor. It looked like a haphazard ski slalom, clearly made to assess the drivers’ ability to negotiate obstacles. Lena, who never played a video game or driven a remote-controlled car growing up and would rather gauge out her eye than watch Lex play, had no skin in the game. She did her best shooting Red Tornado around the cones but honestly did not care how her time fared compared to the others. Kara, she noticed with a smirk, was all business. Her brow furrowed with intensity as she maneuvered the little bot with precision and speed, with no faults, and the fastest time. 

The next test looked at control of the weapon. Time started with the bot at rest, on the word “go” they fired up the spinner, and tried to splinter a block of wood. Winn took the gold on this trial; with Kara not far behind. 

The final test looked at reaction times. There was a light set up in the front of their lab and depending on which color was displayed, the driver had to perform different movements. This was essentially a tiebreaker between the top two drivers so Lena was only half heartedly listening as the instructions were explained. Kara and Winn, on the other hand, looked like they were receiving life saving instructions in the battle of their lives.

Winn was up first in the weird Red Light Green Light meets Dance Dance Revolution robot challenge. Lena shook her head as he wiped the sweat off of his brow and finished with what can only be described as a weird celebratory chicken dance.  
He handed the controls to Kara and she took a deep centering breath. Lena’s general indifference for the driving challenges was overtaken by her will for Kara to win. She found herself cheering, loudly, with the rest of the group. “That’s it, Kara! You’re RIGHT THERE! FASTER! FASTER! KEEP GOING! FASTER! DON’T STOP!”

She hadn’t realized she said anything out of the ordinary. Suddenly her friend, who had a look of concentration plastered onto her face for the past hour, looked like a deer in the headlights, blush rushing to her cheeks. Kara forced the toggle too far to the left and crashed their poor little tornado into the wall, leaving a spinner sized gaping hole in plaster. 

Lena bit her lower lip, trying not to laugh at her very embarrassed friend. All of the other members rushed to check on their bot, seemingly unaware of what caused the crash. Lena arched a brow at Kara who averted her eyes. 

Lena was at least assured that she hadn’t made it all up. There was something happening. Kara was clearly thinking about it, too. But that definitely did not mean they needed to talk about it. No, they definitely should not talk about it.

\--

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This'll be my longest work plus my first venture into the land of mature ratings so let me know what you think!
> 
> tumblr ravenclawswimmer


	3. because everyone thinks it goes away with age

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lines are drawn, lines are crossed.

[present day]  
Lena sat up and angled her body to get a better look at Kara. “Why didn’t you ever say anything about it? While it was happening?”

Kara brought her lips together and scrunched her nose. “I don’t know. If we talked about it, it would be real. You know? And I thought if it was real, we would have to stop.” Kara paused and exhaled. “And I definitely did not want it to stop.” Kara paused again, clearly thinking about that semester. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

Lena smirked. “I was too busy lying to myself.”

“Not too busy to create reasons for us to spend the night together.”

Lena groaned. “You made up just as many excuses as I did!” 

Kara laughed. “What do you tell people when they ask how we got together?”

Lena shrugged and said, “I don’t know. We were friends and then we fell in love.”

Kara pursed her lips together, brow furrowed. “But how do you describe the transition? Do you tell them any details?”

Lena arched a brow. “I tell them we got drunk and made out.” Lena smirked as she watched her wife’s cheeks turn rosy. 

“That’s not exactly how it happened, though. We did everything except making out for a while.” Kara said with a pointed look.

Lena rested her head on her hand. “That’s true. We had a lot of confusing, clandestine fun long before we kissed.”

\--  
[12 years ago]  
Rather than dealing with a potential dateless Valentine’s Day, Lena’s hallmates took matters into their own hands and decided that a hall party would be more fun. No heart shaped chocolates, no secret admirers, just cheap vodka, girlfriends, and dancing to Cascada. Even Sam agreed to stay for a while with everyone before heading over to spend the night at her boyfriend’s apartment. 

Lena invited Kara over and there seemed to be an inevitability of where the night would take them. Instead of dreading and questioning what it all meant, Lena had a new plan. She was just going to set boundaries; boundaries that would let her enjoy her time with Kara but would keep them from confusing their friendship. First rule? Don’t talk about it. Nothing new there, but it seemed important to reinforce. Second rule? No touching Kara with her hands. Sure, the rest of her body (specifically her hips) seemed to have a mind of their own, but if she could just keep her hands to herself then they could still stay friends, no complicated feelings. Now that she had a plan, Lena felt like she had everything under control and could actually enjoy spending time with Kara again. So, the feelings of trepidation gave way to anticipation as Lena and Sam set up their makeshift beer pong table and rinsed out their one set of solo cups.

Jess and Eve were the first to arrive, with store bought red and white heart covered cupcakes in tow. Lucy stopped by, but not long enough to join in the ping pong ball tossing competition. By the time Kara arrived, Lena had already lost a round and was setting up the table for another round of punishment. Kara agreed to take Sam’s place so she could finish getting ready- John apparently had made an overpriced dinner reservation for the night to lure her away from celebrating with the hall. Despite the partner change, Lena fared even worse on the second round and was feeling pleasantly loose early in the night.

They put “Every Time We Touch” on repeat and waited for the beat to hit over and over again, dancing in a miniature mosh pit crammed into the small area of open floor space in the dorm room. It didn’t matter how many times in a row they listened to it, it still made Lena jump around, hair down, in uncontrolled delight.

Eventually, as roommates and hallmates exited in various levels of drunkenness, Lena was left alone with Kara. Lena knew it was past Kara’s normally regimented bedtime, but she still suggested watching an episode of the OC. They curled up in Lena’s twin bed, various pillows propped around them, and held Lena’s laptop while the show played. They only made it a few minutes into the episode when Lena felt her bed mate changing positions in an effort to ward off sleep. She closed the laptop and clicked off the light beside her bed, doing her best to keep Kara undisturbed. 

When Lena laid back down and crawled under the covers, Kara’s foot started to gently caress Lena’s shin in a wordless request. Lena needed hardly any prodding to resume their activities from the night out in a tent, this time on a more comfortable (though still quite small) mattress. The bodies intertwined easily, though they were still conscious of where their mouths were, making sure to keep them a safe distance apart. As they pulled each other close and started to press their thighs into each other, Lena felt Kara’s hands lightly caressing the cloth of her shirt. Lena’s hands, clearly on a mission to undermine her new rule, began playing with the seam at the bottom of her friend’s shirt. While her fingertips remained resolutely on the soft fabric, her palm would sometimes graze the exposed skin of Kara’s back, sending shockwaves down Lena’s arms, and making her take in her breath sharply. 

Lena played with Kara’s shirt, pleading for entrance, until she gathered enough resolve to whisper, “Is this okay?”

Kara nodded against Lena, the smooth skin of their cheeks gliding across one another. As soon as Lena received confirmation, her hands hungerly slipped underneath Kara’s shirt and explored the skin that she had been flirting with touching since they nestled into bed. Eventually their need for sleep overpowered their new freedom of exploring and Lena rolled over, bodies spooning tightly to fit both women on the school issued twin bed.

\--

It wasn’t until the next morning that Lena realized how quickly she passed over the new boundary she set on herself. She didn’t berate herself too much, though, because she doubted anyone had the willpower to keep their hands to themselves when pressed up against Kara Danvers. Plus, she didn’t touch anything too that would definitely change their friendship, like, for instance, Kara’s bra. That’s a line she wasn’t ready to cross. 

The other rule to their new engagement was easier to follow. They continued to not talk about it in the morning, treating each night like a Las Vegas vacation. While they ate cereal together in Lena’s dorm room, preparing for class, they discussed anything but wandering hands.

\--

That weekend Kara’s roommate was out of town, and in a twist in their arrangement, Lena headed to Kara’s dorm on Friday night, with the OC DVD’s tucked under her arm. Lena liked hanging out in Kara’s dorm because of the small loveseat that her roommate contributed to her room. While it was more comfortable than her floor pillows, it was barely big enough for two people. It was also set up at a slightly odd angle to Kara’s TV which led to a variety of intimate seating arrangements that Lena assumed only her and Kara had attempted. 

That night, Lena sat with her back against the armrest, legs splayed open with Kara fully between them, leaning back against Lena’s chest. As Lena could feel Kara’s lower back pressing between her thighs, it did not take long for Lena to feel the familiar wetness that she had begun to associate with Kara’s warm vanilla scent. They watched an episode then turned the TV off under no false pretenses of watching more and climbed up to the bunked twin bed to curl together. Once their legs were slotted together, both sets of hands freely swept under shirts, no longer circling in wait. It did not take long for Lena’s hand to find the clasp on the back of Kara’s bra, and as her hands roamed over the hooks, she thought about how easy it would be to pop it open. Instead, her hands weaved their away anteriorly, along the band, inching closer and closer (but never quite touching) the cups. They stayed in limbo, Kara mirroring Lena’s actions, getting to know each other’s bodies within the restraints they had somehow agreed on. 

Once again, Lena found herself adjusting the limits she set on herself. As the arbitrary boundaries kept getting pushed further and further back, Lena retroactively adjusted what was normal for friends to do. Okay, sure, last time she thought that touching her friend’s bra would change things, but it didn’t. They were still just friends. Friends who spent the night together, rubbed against each other, and who knew what kind of lacy bra each other wore. All that was fine. However, she reasoned with herself, close friends probably didn’t feel underneath the bra. That might signify a change in their relationship that she was not ready for.

It would be exactly 24 hours after modifying her limits that Lena found herself sweeping her thumb underneath the side of best friend’s bra. The next night was one of the biggest games of the basketball season. Lena, never one to call herself a sports fan, still found herself swept up in the rivalry between NCU and Lord University. Lord University was everything that NCU was not. While Lena prided herself in attending one of the oldest public universities in the nation, Lord was private, expensive, and self-proclaimed elite. The gothic architecture was a shameless attempt to make the institution feel like an Ivy League school. The students were all trust fund babies she was forced to go to cotillion with and who she had escaped from while attending college. Their campuses were only separated by 15 miles which fueled the rivalry. What also fueled the rivalry? The fact that both schools were extremely good at basketball. They had more national championships, more final four appearances, and more number one rankings than other school in the nation. Every year one of them was guaranteed to be ranked in the top 5, and this year was no different. It was their first meeting of the season and while it was a home game, neither Kara nor Lena were lucky enough to get tickets. They did what all of the student body did when they didn’t have tickets- they found their friend with the biggest TV and invited themselves over. Which is how they found themselves at the scene of the initial crime, this time in front of a TV instead of on an air mattress.

They got to Winn’s well before the game started to make sure they had the best view possible of the TV. Kara was wearing her NCU sweatshirt that she always wore during games. Lena grimaced slightly when she realized she was unsure if Kara had washed it since the season started last November. People started to slowly filter in, some from the robotics club, but also Winn’s roommates’ friends that they only knew in passing. 

Lena could feel Kara start to get more and more anxious as the number of people grew. She looked questioningly at Kara and leaned over to ask, “What’s going on?”

Kara huffed. “If they talk during the game we are leaving at half time.”

Lena laughed but nodded, turning her focus back to the pregame show. Tip off was imminent and she didn’t want to miss it. While most of the group quieted down when the game started, there was one person that felt the need to commentate the entire game. Unfortunately, this only highlighted his clear lack of knowledge of basketball. It was a terrible combination, and she could feel the fury brewing in her normally cheerful best friend.

“Yes! Good try!” Lena heard Mike yell over the collective groans from the rest of the group after another unforced turnover.

Kara whispered through gritted teeth, “I’m confused. Which team is he cheering for?”

Lena responded, “Honestly, I don’t think he knows.”

It only got worse throughout the game. He calmly made fun of their best player when she missed a free throw, explaining that it’s called FREE for a reason, then grumbled something about how she always misses despite having the best percentage in the league. As their team fell behind, the random cheers/groans that seemed to have nothing to do with what was happening in the game became more and more infuriating. 

Not even all of the delicious snacks could tame the growing wrath of Kara. Mike continued to yell at inopportune times and Lena could feel Kara tensing beside her. It was a close game down until the end. The game was tied when NCU got the ball with 30 second left. They hit a go-ahead jumper with a few seconds left on the game clock. The elation turned to disbelief and despair when one of Lord’s sharp shooting freshman hit a contested three to win by one at the buzzer. As soon as the shot swished through, Lena knew that she would be forced to relive this pain over and over again, when the sports network would unavoidably replay this dreaded moment to hype up the rivalry until the end of time. 

Before this game, she thought there was nothing worse than losing to Lord at home in the last second. It turns out that there’s nothing worse than losing to Lord at home in the last second with a yammering idiot. Everybody was silent after the shot went in and Winn turned off the TV before they would be subjected to Lord’s celebratory tackles and the shots of NCU players trying to hold back tears over a stupid game. 

Before Mike could say anything else, Lena grabbed Kara’s hand, gently guiding her furious friend away from the idiot. Lena, never one to shy away from NCU superstition said, “Well, with that ending, we’re never watching a game here again. Sorry Winn, but your TV’s not nice enough to tempt fate.” Lena explained with an apologetic look.

Winn was still looking forlorn starting at the blank screen. “If it stops that from happening again, please, please never come back.”

Lena stood behind Kara, steering her towards the door, wanting to at least get outside before the rant she knew was coming came. As soon as the front door shut with a click, Kara was off. “Who invited that guy? There should be some sort of screening process…“ Kara shrugged, searching for words, “like at an amusement park, but instead of height, you must be this smart-“ she held up her hand at shoulder height, “to watch the game with anybody other than your mother.”

“Because your mother loves you no matter what stupid things you say?” Lena asked with raised eyebrows.

Kara huffed. “Maybe not your mother, but you know what I mean!”

Lena put a hand on Kara’s shoulder to try to calm her down. “It always sucks to lose. No matter who you are surrounded by.”

“Ugh! I could have punched him in his face!” Kara’s fists balled up as she tensed both arms by her side.

“Yeah, that would have made everybody there happier, but we still would have lost.” Lena clicked her car unlocked so they could hop in. Kara plopped into the passenger’s seat with another huff and Lena couldn’t help but shake her head. “They’ll play again in a few weeks. We can beat them at Lord on their senior day…”

Kara still didn’t seem convinced. “Yeah….”

They drove in silence back to campus, Lena using her left arm to steer, with her right arm on Kara’s thigh. Kara was looking out the passenger side window, but Lena could feel some of the tension draining from her body as time passed. Lena didn’t ask what their plans were before parking the car at her dorm. She assumed Kara would stay the night, sour mood notwithstanding. 

When she parked, she asked her friend, “Want to watch something not sport related? Forget about college basketball?”

Kara nodded and gave her a small smile, clearly trying to put the last two hours behind her. When they got inside Lena’s dorm room, they both abandoned any notion of watching TV as they climbed into Lena’s bed. Lena laid on her back while Kara curled off to the side, resting her head on Lena’s shoulder. Lena played with Kara’s hair, running her fingers through the soft curls and absentmindedly scratching her scalp. Kara did not have to say a word to express her thanks because her body was slowly melting into Lena’s. Lena could feel Kara’s initial anger morph into sadness, then finally acceptance as she grieved the basketball game.

The longer their bodies were pressed together, the more powerless they became to the pull that had plagued them all semester. As Lena’s hands ventured away from Kara’s hair, rubbing slow circles on her back, Kara gave into the overwhelming urge to slide her thigh between Lena’s legs, honing into the point that made Lena softly gasp. With Kara firmly on top of her, Lena’s hands roamed under Kara’s shirt, flirting with the edges of her bra. As she approached the wings, Lena lifted her eyebrows in question. Kara nodded and shifted her weight to her elbow to allow one free hand to return the favor. After the dam had been opened, Lena spent all night marveling at the soft skin she found on the edge of Kara’s breasts and the way it made Kara’s breath catch each time.

\--

If Lena had been honest with herself, she would have realized the possible implications of slowly pushing her “what was okay for friends to do with each other” further and further away from what she actually did with all of her other friends. She would have appreciated that the thrill of sneaking her hand under a bra should have been an indication that she should reexamine her assumed heterosexuality. Instead, Lena dug her boots into her state of denial and ignored all possible insinuations of their night time trysts. She preferred to continue the game of naming new lines only to break them at their earliest convince, with no thought to what breaking these boundaries might actually mean.

And so, the spring semester progressed with a new pattern emerging. With news of a free dorm room, Kara or Lena would send an instant message asking the other to come over. Having blown past the proverbial second base, the most recent arbitrary boundary was keeping hands above the waist. Uncensored hands slipped under the waistband of unbuttoned jeans after the Ben Folds concert. The concert was good, but the night after was much better. Lena had been so, so, so close to finishing as she grinded into Kara’s hand pressed firmly into her sopping underwear. 

While the restrictions Lena placed on herself were constantly being broken, their Fight Club inspired primary rule remained intact until the robotics club went to the tournament in Metropolis. The cross-country red eye proved to be a real test of their already haggard self-control as Kara let Lena lean against her, flipping the arm rest up. They snuggled under the airline issued thin blanket, fingers interlocked underneath it. As the cabin lights dimmed, Lena felt Kara’s warm hands exploring under the safety of the blanket, inching closer to joining the mile-high club but never fully gaining membership. Lena made a mental note of the benefits of a traditional, sleeveless blanket, knowing that none of this would be possible if Kara’s arms weren’t safely ensconced. 

The first day of tournament was a blur of cheering for Winn while he drove circles around other bots and performing quick repairs between rounds. Not there was many repairs to make, they sailed smoothly through the qualifying rounds, their spinner annihilating the other, weaker bots. 

After a successful first day, the team was discussing where to go for dinner. Lena was unsure why they continued to have this discussion at tournaments. It was as if every single one of them didn’t know where they were going to go. Lena rolled her eyes. Pizza. It’s always pizza. Especially in Metropolis. She leaned against one of the work benches as she listened to her teammates talk, trying to decide which pizzeria they would pick out of the 3 they walked past between the arena and the hotel.

Kara, who just finished checking on the inner workings of Red Tornado and was putting the outer shell back on, when she jammed her finger. She left out a groan with a soft “Son of a!”

Lena knelt down to check on her friend. “Kara, are you okay?” Lena asked, face full of concern.

Kara was holding her two hands together, lips pressed firmly together, trying to breath through the pain. She looked at Lena and whispered, “Don’t worry, it’s my left hand…” 

Lena’s eyebrows shot up in surprise as a flush ran to her cheeks. An insinuation of their nightly escapades with the entire team two feet away looking at them? Lena was speechless. She had forgotten how to form words, much less string them together into a coherent response. However, she needn’t have worried. The rest of the team ignored her sudden muteness and seemed none the wiser as they checked to make sure Kara and their bot were both okay. 

The winning pizzeria turned out to be a good choice; Lena was pleasantly surprised with the freshness of her salad and even stole one of Kara’s slices in celebration of their successful day. Mostly, though, Lena could not wait to get back to the hotel. Somehow, Lena and Kara had managed to secure not only a room to themselves, but also a king-sized bed. Lena figured you could fit at least three of her dorm beds on the massive mattress and still have room for 2 Great Danes and a family of 4. Lena was still lying to herself about her feeling for Kara, but she was completely honest with herself about what exactly was going to happen on that bed tonight.

It seemed like Kara did, as well. After telling everyone else goodnight, citing how sleepy they were after all of the travel and the time change, they hopped into bed. Their hands did not take long to reach their recent peak, pleading for entry at each other’s waist bands. Lean fully entering new frontier when Kara helped lead Lena’s hand beneath her underwear, tired of the tease. Lena flattened her hand to sneak it under the elastic band and snaked through Kara’s coarse curls, slipping between Kara’s folds. She started slowly, but soon picked up speed, doing for Kara what she liked to do for herself. It was sloppy, inexperienced, and mind-blowingly awesome as she tried to learn what different motions drove Kara crazy. As Kara came, she held tightly onto Lena, like Lena was the only thing anchoring her, and blew hot, quick breathes against Lena’s cheeks. Once recovered, Kara flipped Lena over, reversing their position, and returned the favor. After months of waiting for release, Lena came quickly under Kara’s steady devotion. After, Lena fell asleep quickly, fully satisfied and safely ensconced in her best friend’s arms. She slept soundly and tried not to think about how few lines were left to cross.

\--

Lena honestly, remembered little else from the weekend. If the first day was a blur, the second was completely obscured with thoughts of how Kara’s naked body gripped hers and the magical, magical things Kara’s right hand did. Lena’s pretty sure they won the tournament. There was definitely a new trophy in the case when they got back. Kara’s hand was definitely okay. And they definitely did not talk anymore about it.

\--

After the flight back to National City and unfortunately scheduled midterms, it was a few days until Lena and Kara had any alone time. Not seeing Kara, however, did not stop Lena from setting one final line. Although they had enthusiastically hopscotched over every other theoretical border between friends and more-than-friends, Lena reasoned there was still one final river yet to be forded. So between taking exams, studying for exams, and making sure she had all the bluebooks she needed for her exams, Lena kept telling herself: she definitely wasn’t gay if they didn’t kiss. Everything else- the touching, the rubbing, the spending the night, that was just for fun. It didn’t mean they were in love, and it didn’t have to mean they were queer.

Midweek, Lena headed over to Kara’s dorm room to decompress after the exam stress. The sun was still up and Lena wasn’t sure when Kara’s roommate would be back so she was prepared to be on her best behavior, despite memories from the weekend.  
Kara seemed genuinely excited to see her, regardless of the fact that they had literally just finished a chemistry exam side by side. Kara pushed play on the DVR and they got settled onto the small white couch, this time Lena using Kara as a backrest. Lena’s hair was down and Kara was making the most of it by running her fingers through the long locks. After a few minutes of being completely absorbed in the blissful finger combing, Lena realized she had absolutely no idea what was happening in the show and could not care less. She sat up and slowly turned to face Kara, whose face was lit up with surprise at Lena’s abrupt movement. Lena should have known that after days of thinking about *not* kissing Kara, now all she could think about was *definitely* kissing Kara. The same lure that drew their bodies together each night, now worked as a beacon tugging their lips together. One of Kara’s hands was still tangled in hair as Lena leaned her face within inches of Kara’s. Her breath stopped as she waited to see what the blonde would do. Kara closed in the last few inches and their noses brushed as Kara tilted her head. Lena would never forget the first time their lips touched. After months of teasing and hopping proverbial fences, this was the line she was most scared of. She had tried to blame everything else on hormones, alcohol, and just doing what felt good; but this felt like something more. 

She had kissed people before. Well, she had kissed boys before. Where they were rough, Kara was soft. Where they were harsh, Kara was gentle. But it wasn’t the physical differences that made this kiss distinct. It was the overwhelming tremor that coursed through her body when their lips first touched. It was the way her heartbeat raced as Kara’s tongue met hers. It was the relief she felt when she gave in to the undeniable urge she had be attempting to squash for months. She thought after weeks of letting her hands explore Kara, she had discovered everything, but now their tongues were what forged new paths. It was right and it was perfect and Lena tried not to think about what it meant.

\--

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter- spring break!
> 
> tumblr ravenclawswimmer


	4. but you're still miles away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's spring break ya'll

[present day]  
“I still cannot believe how long it took us to actually kiss,” Lena shook her head incredulously.

“Especially because everything was so much more fun after I could kiss you!” Kara leaned over and kissed Lena on her forehead, her nose, both cheeks, then planted a firm kiss on her mouth, like a tiny and persistent sucker fish.

Lena pretended to be annoyed but Kara knew she loved it. 

Kara’s smile turned to confusion as she thought about their past. “You know, it doesn’t really make sense why that was one of the last things we did.”

Lena gave a shrug. “It seemed to me like that was something friends definitely didn’t do.”

Kara barked out a laugh. “And friends do all of the other stuff?”

Lena knew her reasoning was flimsy at best, but it made sense at the time. “I don’t know! It’s just what I told myself. I’m just glad we finally gave in.” Lena cleared her throat. “It did make our honeymoon to Mexico a lot more intimate….”

Kara cheekily raised her eyebrows. “Ohhh Mexico! That’s when I knew we were going to be together.”

Lena looked skeptical. “Maybe in Mexico we knew, but we were just as confused once we got back.”

\--  
[12 years ago]

Lena had made it through her last class before spring break and practically skipped back to her dorm in happiness. She still had some packing to do before her and Kara’s road trip south of the border. When she walked in, Sam was gathering what looked like weeks of dirty laundry.

Lena lifted both eyebrows and gave her roommate a smirk. “Bringing your mom a present?”

Sam scoffed. “Please. My mom stopped doing my laundry years ago. I’m going to do it, it’s just cheaper to do at home. Not all of us have fancy vacations planned for the week.” Sam feigned jealousy as she searched her closet for any escaped clothing that needed to be collected.

Lena couldn’t help the genuine smile that spread across of her face. She was legitimately excited. “it’s not fancy! We are staying in hostels and stuff. My family would die if they knew.”

“Which is one reason you are doing it.”

Lena shrugged. “Also, I knew Kara wouldn’t stand for a completely Luthor funded vacation,” Lena explained as she started to rummage through her drawers, looking for a pair of shorts she couldn’t find the day before.

“Otherwise you guys could honeymoon in style!” Sam replied with a smirk of her own.

Lena’s eyebrows drew together and she jerked her head up to look at Sam’s face. Sure, she knew it was a little weird that it was just the two of them going together, but in her defense, she had asked a lot of her friends to come and nobody seemed too keen. Sam didn’t have the money, Eve had her sights set on a more traditional “girls gone wild” situation, and Lucy said she’d rather be caught dead than vacation with them. However, the word “honeymoon” set off a lot of red flags and she thought nobody knew about her and Kara’s current advances in redefining what it meant to be good friends. She was relieved when she saw the joking look on Sam’s face.

“Ha. Yeah. Honeymoon…” Lena tried to laugh off her insecurity, but she knew Sam could see through it. She could think of exactly zero quick retorts that would prove that what she wanted to do with Kara had nothing to do with what happens on honeymoons. So, she continued searching through her drawers, trying to look as busy as possible while hiding her cheeks that were heating up by the second.

She must have done a better job covering that she thought (or perhaps Sam took pity on her), because Sam responded with a complete non sequitur. “Well, I’m just glad for a break. Even if it is just at home. Did you get your last paper turned in?”

Lena was eternally grateful for her roommate. “Dropped it off on the way back here. Now I’ve got nothing except margarita tasting, whale watching, and relaxing for days!”

“Whale watching? What are you 50?” Sam asked.

Lena groaned. Whale watching had been high on Kara’s list and she forgot that her enthusiasm was not shared by all. “And going to clubs. That’s the first thing on our list,” Lena corrected.

Sam was still rolling her eyes as she hefted overflowing bags of laundry out of the room.

\--

After Lena’s car was packed, she headed over to Kara’s dorm to pick up her travel partner for the week. They were going to stay in Tijuana for a few nights to try the more traditional partying spring break before heading to Ensenada for a more relaxing experience. Lena sent Kara a text that she was in the parking lot and was adjusting the radio when she heard a thump on her window. She felt her heart stop until she saw her dumb friend’s face pressed against the glass. 

“Sweet Jesus. How many times have I told you not to do that,” Lena said as calmly as she could as she pressed her hand over her jump-started heart.

Kara looked unrepentant as she threw her bag in the trunk and hopped in the passenger’s seat. She unveiled her Ipod with a flourish and explained, “I made a playlist!”

Lena handed over the cord trailing from the tape deck, knowing that her friend knew exactly how to get it playing. “I’m glad you are already stepping up for your copilot duties,” Lena said with an exaggerated hand pat on her thigh. Lena gestured to the sets of directions printed out, as well as a few maps at Kara’s feet.

Kara gave a sarcastic salute as she got her music cued up. The first song Lena recognized immediately from hours spent watching the OC. While she was prepared for Kara to sing along as soon as the lyrics started, nothing could prepare her for Kara trying to subtly change the lyrics to suite their trip.

“BAJA California here we come, right back where we started from. BAJA Californiaaaaaaaa” 

Lena couldn’t help but laugh. “Ugh, you do have a beautiful voice but it’s a little jarring adding in those extra syllables. I mean technically, we are still in California so you could just sing that-”

“BAJA Californiaaaaaaaa”

Kara was undeterred. And she continued to be undeterred as Dani California came on. Lena was starting to see a pattern. “Is this what you are going to do the entire drive down?”

Kara nodded as she continued singing, “…with a name like BAJA California…”

Lena muttered to herself, “At least that’s smoother. You’re not just jamming an extra word-“ she was cut off by the chorus. 

“BAJA California rest in peace…” Kara interrupted.

“And, never mind.”

Lena glanced over at Kara who was grinning, enjoying the wind streaming in, hair down blowing wildly, and letting her hand dance outside the window. 

“How many songs are there about California?” Lena asked tentatively.

“A lot.”

“And… they would make up… all? Of this playlist?”

Kara laughed. “Don’t worry. I’ll only the sing the good ones.”

Lena leaned back in her seat. She was pretty sure Kara thought all songs were “the good ones”. Kara may have decided to take her copiloting duties too seriously. Then again, Lena knew there were few people in the world that she could spend hours trapped in a car with. Luckily, she was sitting next to one of them.

\--

They made it over the border with relative ease. It was old hat to Lena who was used to international travel with her family. Kara, on the other hand, tried to hide her fluster, but Lena could tell she was excited to show her passport, even if they were just a few hours away from home. They checked into their hostel for the night and went looking for dinner before checking out the Tijuana clubs.

Lena had tried to review her high school Spanish before the trip but realized she had made a mistake when she took multiple languages in school. She thought taking French and Spanish would help her have success in the future, however now a few years removed from classes, realized both languages were jumbled up in a useless heap. Kara, who only took Spanish in high school, was helpful in ruling out the French words. They hoped together they could fumble through as needed. They reviewed as the walked to a nearby food stand that was suggested to them by a fellow traveler at the hostel.

“Tengo hambre.” Lena attempted a short sentence she was 90% sure was Spanish.

“Oh yes! Y que quieres comer?” Kara smiled.

“Tacos!” That was definitely Spanish. “Je te gusta une cena,” by the look on Kara’s face, Lena realized that was not.

Kara shook her head.

Lena was frustrated with herself. Apparently doing well in high school foreign language classes did not magically translate into fluency. Nor did it guarantee she would remember important words less than two years later. “Damn. It feels like it’s all just buried. I need a jack hammer to get through the layers of organic chemistry and differential equations.”

“Well, while not super important here, I’m sure you can find lots of uses for differential equations in real life,” Kara said sarcastically.

“You joke, but actually just the other day-“

Kara bumped Lena’s shoulder and interrupted “Nope. We are on SPRING BREAK.”

They knew they had arrived at the right taqueria because the line was already 6 people deep and it wasn’t even dinner time yet. This close to the border, they shouldn’t have worried about practicing Spanish as the menu was already translated in both languages. It didn’t stop Kara and Lena from practicing. The cashier took their clearly American accents in stride and while they weren’t sure what they actually ended up ordering, Lena figured she couldn’t go wrong with any kind of taco.

She was right. They were all delicious. They sat on a park bench and traded halves. Kara, always a vocal eater, was making such sounds of appreciation that Lena had to turn away to try to get a handle on her blush. After a moan that Lena thought only she had the pleasure of bringing out of Kara, Lena turned to raised her eyebrows at her friend in a silent plea.

Kara, who had to cover her mouth with her hand because she was still slightly chewing, sighed. “Sorry! It’s just SO good.”

After their sensual (maybe a little too sensual) eating experience, they headed back to the hostel before getting ready for the night. They walked around the outside area, checking out the small garden where a few other travelers were sitting and talking. While Lena would rather gauge out her eyeballs than make small talk with strangers, Kara excitedly went over to a picnic bench and asked if they could sit down. Kara learned everyone’s name, where they were from, and how long they had been traveling. Lena learned nothing and stared off into space thinking about Kara’s taco moans.

After wasting time talking to people they would never talk to again, Lena convinced Kara to head to a dive bar for a drink while they waited for the nightclub to open. Not that a nightclub was necessarily Lena or Kara’s first choice on where to party, it just seemed like what they should do during spring break. Especially spring break in Mexico. So they got Mexican beers at a Mexican bar in Mexico where they would have enjoyed spending more time at to get themselves ready to spend the night like true college students.

After they made it inside the club, it took a little while for Lena’s senses to adjust to the decibel of music and the brilliant light show cutting through the darkness. She was pretty sure she was at risk for a seizure as the lights started flash, and grabbed Kara’s hand to move her to the bar for another drink. She knew that she needed something to hold to make her more comfortable while surrounded by hundreds of spring breaking college students.

Drinks in hand, they headed back towards the dance floor. Lena realized that while she had danced with Kara a lot, she had not done so publicly since their new arrangement had started. She tried to place some space between their bodies, but Kara gave her a questioning look as she pulled her close. It wasn’t long until they fell together on muscle memory. As Lena danced through the haze of alcohol, loud music, and flashing lights, she was tethered to the present by Kara’s constant touch. She could just faintly make out the wafting vanilla scent through the college boy cologne and stringent smell of cheap liquor that swirled around them. Lena couldn’t stop staring at the way Kara’s top kept sinking lower and lower, reminding Lena of all the times her hands had traveled there. As Kara bounced in time to the music, Lena could feel her thigh muscles tightening and had to take a deep steadying breath. It took every ounce of self-control that Lena could muster to not lean forward and press their lips together; and it made Lena mad that she was so easily controlled by her attraction to her friend.

Trying to put a damper on the fire that was starting to burn out of control inside of her, Lena led Kara back to the bar to take a break from dancing. While they were waiting on their second round of drinks, they were approached by two boys. They seemed nice enough, though who knows what pickup lines they used as Lena could hear nothing over the thumping music. Lena saw this is as the perfect excuse to simmer down whatever was happening between her and Kara while they were in a public place. What was the harm in dancing with them, she reasoned? She wanted to at least try to have a typical spring break experience, and here they were at a club, so they should do what people at clubs do. 

Lena tried to focus on dancing with her new partner, but she could feel Kara’s constant gaze on her. When she finally caught a glimpse of her friend’s wounded face, she was hit with guilt. Guilt for convincing herself she wanted something other than Kara, guilt for enjoying someone else showing interest in her, but mostly guilt for making her friend look at her the way she did.

After a few songs, Kara ditched her boy and was alone at the bar, carefully watching Lena. Lena made it a few more minutes while the blue eyes tracked her every move until she brushed off her impromptu dance partner and made her way back to Kara. Kara smiled when Lena arrived, but the gesture didn’t meet her eyes. It wasn’t Lena’s intention to hurt Kara, but she felt like this was her last attempt at escaping the whirlpool that had completely swept her up. Instead of escaping the turbulent waters, seeing Kara’s dejected eyes only forced her further in, yanking her toward the spinning center. They tried to dance for a while longer, but the carefree moment was gone. Jealousy, remorse, and insecurity had chased away their frivolous night.

Their walk back to the hostel was quieter than normal. Without Kara leading their conversation, Lena was at a loss. Not knowing how to use her words to apologize, Lena grabbed Kara’s hand and held onto it tight until they reached the front gate. Kara’s quietness didn’t feel like their normal comfortable silence. Lena hoped she hadn’t ruined their relationship, but felt reassured when Kara started to rub her thumb gently against Lena’s.

They were the first ones back to their room at the hostel, which was important because Kara had decided to mark her territory the only way she knew how. What they couldn’t manage to say to each other in the club or during the walk home, they managed to express with their tongues, mouths, and hands; quietly coming in each other’s arms while the alcohol slowly wore off. 

Lena could feel Kara’s breathing start to slow and whispered into her ear, “I’m sorry.”

“I know,” and a quick kiss was the only response she got back before Kara was climbing away, back to her own bed. 

Lena immediately missed the spoon she had grown so accustomed to falling asleep beside. Sam called this a honeymoon, but this certainly didn’t feel like one.

\--

They spent one more day in Tijuana, visiting the cultural center (mostly for Kara to look at the international art exhibits) and trying to convince Kara to not buy something from each stall at one of the tourist markets. That night, having already experienced what college spring break should be, they spent their time in a quieter bar, sipping margaritas and enjoying each other’s company. They didn’t even try to go back out to a club after what had happened the night before. 

A day and a half of spending all of their time together only turned up the burner of Lena’s feelings from simmer to high. Lena couldn’t stop staring at Kara’s laughing face, lighting up the dim bar with joy. The physical pull only had only grown stronger the more times Lena gave into it, and she found herself gripping her drink tighter to keep her hands occupied less they alert the whole bar of how close of friends they really were. 

When they got back to the hostel that night, Lena cursed the other person already sleeping just a bed over. As they quietly climbed into their separate beds, Lena wondered how soundly the other person was asleep, how quiet they could be, and how badly did she care about what these people thought when she hoped to never see them again. Honestly, she just wanted to crawl into Kara’s bed and hold her, knowing she would sleep better with head buried into Kara’s upper back. She finally drifted off to sleep, dreaming of the rest of their vacation.

\--

The drive to Ensenada was a short, beautiful path down the coast. Their plan was to mark off the rest of their official itinerary by the following day before they moving into a private cabana on the beach for a completely relaxing end to their vacation. This meant one more dreaded night in a shared hostel. Lena was starting to see the appeal of the five star hotels the Luthors always stayed in. She didn’t miss the luxury as much as the privacy that copious amounts of money afforded.

Whale watching turned out to be no different than a regular boat ride as no whales were spotted. Though, Kara swore she saw one on multiple occasions, citing her “better than average vision,” which was suspect at best. When Lena pointed out the fact that Kara got lost on the way to the bathroom without her glasses, Kara explained that her glasses are what gave her the supernatural ability to spot whales when nobody else could. 

They suffered through one last night in a hostel. Much to Lena’s happiness, even Kara seemed nearing the edge of her small talk tolerance. They spent their downtime between visiting museums by sitting at parks and people watching, avoiding the common areas of the hostel during their short stay there. They ate delicious dinner, continued to practice their broken Spanish, and Lena managed to say “Merci” only once.

As they were walking back from drinks on their final night trapped in shared living spaces, feeling brave enough to hold hands along more secluded streets, Lena heard a faint rustling down an alleyway. She turned to see a flash of motion before her hand was abruptly dropped and she heard Kara yell, “SAVE YOURSELF!” over her shoulder while sprinting away.

Lena raised her eyebrow in surprise and stopped to take a better look at a petrifying ferret that was minding its own business, not even strolling towards the two women. She looked up to see the fear still plastered on her friend’s face, 15 feet ahead of her, and couldn’t help burst into laughter.

Kara, still unnerved by the situation, but unwilling to completely abandon her friend, gave Lena an insistent look and beckoned with her hand. “Come on Lena!”

Lena, doubled over in laughter, was unable to make up the distance between her and Kara. She tried to talk but it came out in gasps between giggles. “I can’t believe – you just- left me here – to fend for myself”

Kara’s face morphed to a jumble of apologetic and bashful. “I didn’t mean to leave you… I thought you were following me…”

Lena took a deep breath. “Save yourself?!” and burst out laughing again. She tried to collect herself, wiping the tears from her eyes. “Oh. I hope you aren’t with me in an actual emergency situation.”

Kara closed the gap between them and put a protective arm around Lena. “If it was an actual emergency, I would definitely protect you…”

Lena, whose face hurt from laughing and was still barely keeping it together, patted Kara’s back saying, “Of course. Of course. You’re my hero. Except for ferrets. I guess everybody’s got a kryptonite.”

“It was just hiding there and jumped out at me!”

Lena responded with a soothing “Yeah, I know,” as she intertwined their fingers again for the remainder of the walk.

\--

At long last, they checked into the private, beach front cabana. Lena was under no disillusions of luxury when they walked in the door; she realized it was practically camping. One wooden room with a bed, a small table and set of chairs off to the side, no electricity, and no running water. They were still going to have to share the bathroom that was a short walk from their door. But it was just the two of them in one room and after nights shared with other travelers, she could think of no greater opulence.

They changed into their swim suits before walking out their front door onto the expansive, idyllic beach. Lena made short work of setting up her giant beach umbrella.

Kara spread out her towel and came over to help Lena anchor the umbrella into the sand. “You have a giant hat on?” Kara asked while spinning the screw, trying to find firm ground.

Lena arched a brow, barely peaking out from under her sunglasses. “Yes.”

“So do you really need the umbrella, too? I mean, we’re at the beach! Let’s soak up the sun!” Kara stepped out from under the shade and spread out her arms wide, as if in worship.

“I’ll take my sun in small doses and under the protection of multiple layers, thanks.” Lena said watching Kara lay back onto the towel, nestling herself into the sand, with a contented sigh. Lena continued, “Some of us don’t want skin cancer.”

“Nobody WANTS skin cancer, Lena. But that’s no reason to not fully enjoy the beach. I mean, you made me put on sunscreen. Lots of it.”

Lena smiled, remembering the abnormal amount of convincing it took to make her friend put it on, and then flushed remembering how much she enjoyed making sure all of the small patches of Kara’s skin that were peaking through her swim suit were completely protected. 

After a few minutes reading on the beach, Kara convinced Lena to go swimming. They splashed and flirted, salt water stinging Lena’s eyes. Under the cover of the waves, they fell into old habits of letting their hands wander and soon Lena found herself scooped up into Kara’s arms. Lena wrapped her legs around Kara’s waist and found her lips perched inches away from Kara’s. 

“Are you ready to go back inside?” Lena asked, voice huskier than she intended.

Kara closed her eyes and nodded. Dropping Lena back to the soft ocean floor, they fought their way back through the crashing waves, up through the soft sand, until the arrived back at their cabana, still slightly wet, dragging the beach bags behind them.  
As Kara shoved Lena onto the bed, Lena couldn’t help but think that this felt different. This whole trip was slowly breaking the restrictions and constraints she had placed on her and Kara’s relationship as they distanced themselves from the real world. Here, in the roughly built cabin on a beach, miles from their responsibilities, alone from all of their college companions, risking their friendship didn’t seem to matter anymore. Lena was no longer overcome with fear of what feelings were amplifying inside her. When Kara climbed on the bed to straddle her, Lena grabbed the back of Kara’s head, smashing their lips together, giving into what she had been hiding from.

The peeled off each other’s damp swim suits, littering them on the floor. As Kara kissed her way down Lena’s salty body, she paused, taking her time to lick over the places that made Lena’s hip jump into hers. Lena had her hands everywhere- detangling Kara’s hair, gripping onto her back, searching for something to hold onto as she bucked beneath the dense weight of her friend. Kara kissed a trail straight down from Lena’s belly button, pausing as she threw open Lena’s thighs.

“Can I?” Kara asked softly into the void between Lena’s legs.

Lena answered by gently shoving Kara’s head down where they both wanted it to be. The second Kara’s tongue hit, Lena knew she would never be the same. As Kara started making slow circles with her mouth, Lena could not censor the moans and cries of “oh my god”. The tension built, excruciatingly fast, and Lena felt her whole body go numb as she gasped for air, arching her back off of the bed. 

Kara kissed her way back up Lena’s limp, satisfied body and unrepressed words bubbled out from Lena. “I love you.”

Kara grinned, face still slick and said, “I love you, too,” as she buried into the crock of Lena’s arm.

Lena tried to summon the strength to move as her breathing slowed, but lost her resolve as Kara started rubbing her stomach. After a short nap, she was able to move her limbs again and was able to show Kara exactly how much she loved her.

\--

They spent the rest of their time together locked in their cabana, feeling free from the outside world. Instead of putting on clothes to go out to restaurants, they bought groceries and concocted delicious meals out of tortillas, canned beans, and fruit. They tried to make it back out to the beach, but each time found reasons to stay in bed. Lena was unsure why they planned on doing anything else during their vacation; they should have come straight to this cabana and not left for the whole week. Sure, they would been missing the required sightseeing pictures to share with everyone who wondered about their vacation, but Lena was confident they could make up something about losing their camera.

It wasn’t until they were packing up for the ride home that the truth hit Lena like a ton of bricks. She had told Kara that she loved her. They had definitely been having sex for weeks (probably longer but Lena was in no state of mind to try to define when that line was officially crossed). But she definitely wasn’t gay. She did not want to stop what they were doing (honestly, she had proved herself unable to stop regardless of desire), but did not see a future where they could continue once they were back at school, under normal circumstances. She took a deep breath as she placed her meticulously folded clothes back into the suitcase. The drive home was going to be a long one. And they should probably discuss what was actually happening.

\--

They were making good time up the beautiful coast when Kara finally brought it up. “So. This past week was really great.”

Lena stole a glance at the passenger seat and saw the earnest and nervous expression on Kara’s face. “Yeah, it was pretty magical,” Lena responded with what she hoped was a sympathetic smile. “This whole week has felt like a completely different world from the one we are heading back to.”

“Yeah…” Kara answered, waiting to see where Lena was going.

“I’ve loved every second of it, and I love that we are friends, but I don’t want you to get the wrong impression.” Lena continued as Kara’s eyes narrowed. “I’m not gay….”

“Oh. Well I’m not either.” Kara responded quickly.

Lena let out a soft, “oh.”

“I still definitely want to be friends…” Kara trailed off as she collected her thoughts. “But, I don’t really want to stop… this” she said as she gestured between the two women.

Lena responded tentatively, “I don’t want to stop, either… but I also, I don’t know. I don’t want to stop you from being with who you are supposed to be with.”

Kara was silent for a second, looking straight down the road. “Well, we can just keep… having fun… until one of us finds the right… boy.”

Lena put her hand on the console, waiting for Kara’s to settle in on top. “Great. We just keep… doing what we are doing. And when somebody else comes along, we’ll still just be friends.” Lena felt relieved. So what if they had professed their love for each other and Kara’s mouth had now been on every crevasse of her body? They were just friends and that’s just what friends do sometimes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Waiting for boys? What a pair of doofuses. 1 more chapter to go!


	5. you keep me safe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everybody who left comments last chapter. It seems like you are ready for them to stop acting like idiots... let's see if they can get it together!

[present day]  
“Hmmm. I forgot about the conversation on the ride back,” Kara explained.

“Yeah. We were real dumb.” Lena said with a smirk.

Kara crinkled her nose and replied, “At least we talked about it a little? Acknowledged that it was happening?” 

“I guess,” Lena responded with a patented eye roll.

“Everything probably would have been better if we had talked to each other. Or talked to anybody, really.”

“I talked to Sam!” Lena said with defiance.

“I mean you kind of did after she walked in on us, but you didn’t really. Not like if we were normally dating and you tell all your friends about the really cool new person you are seeing.” Kara gave a goofy eyebrow waggle that made Lena giggle.

“No, we missed that stage.” Lena paused for a second and then asked, “Why didn’t you talk to Alex about it? I mean, she would have understood.”

“I was mostly under the impression that it was too good to be true. If I talked about it with you… with anybody… would it have continued? The way we left things after Mexico was noncommittal at best.”

Lena grimaced, “But you could tell I loved you, right? Despite what I said?”

Kara shook her head and grinned, “No, I had to make you jealous to find out what you were really thinking.”

\--  
[12 years ago]  
After spring break, classes started back with a vengeance, everyone feeling the end of the semester coming with the professors pressured to get through all of their course materials. Kara and Lena, walking the thin line of clearly being in love, but neither of them willing to admit it, continued to spend all waking hours (and many sleeping hours) in each other’s company. They were eating lunch at the dining hall when Lena got a call from her mother stating she was going to be in town for business that night and was stopping by Lena’s dorm before the business dinner.

Lena flipped the phone closed and placed her forehead in her hand. “Ugh, I’ve got to make sure there’s nothing incriminating in my room before she gets here.”

Kara looked on sympathetically, “Want any help cleaning? Or a buffer?”

“Lillian is not something I would subject you to. She won’t stay long if she’s got a meeting to go to tonight. I’m just going to go hide a bunch of stuff in Sam’s closet.” Lena eyed the food still on Kara’s plate as Kara pushed her chair out ready to stand up. “I’ll be fine, Kara. You finish eating and I’ll meet you in class.”

“Okay, if you’re sure…” Kara gave Lena a hesitant look before eying the rest of the food on her plate. The remaining lunch seemed to limit her resolve to leave her meal early. She gave Lena a quick thumbs up with a “Good luck!” wish.

Lena snatched up her bag and cleared her tray, giving Kara a soft wave as she scurried back to her dorm. She wasn’t even sure what she had in her dorm that Lillian would object to, but she knew she would find something. The first things she cleared out were anything related to alcohol- solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls. Did Lillian know about beer pong? She had no idea. It wasn’t worth the risk. She put the OC DVDs in one of Sam’s drawers, and put her text books more prominently on display. Dirty clothes in the laundry basket, bed made, she even swept a little. She kept asking herself why her mom wanted to visit her dorm anyways as she did her best to tidy, conceal, and clean.

She sped walked to class and watched Kara take notes. She could copy them later in the library when she was less distracted. Lena tried to look forward to the hibachi Kara promised if she survived the family reunion, but even white sauce lost its appeal when she had to suffer first. She sent Sam a warning text to steer clear of the dorm until Lillian was safely away and death marched back to her dorm to lay in wait.

When Lillian got to the room, she appraised the surroundings and decided against taking a seat.

“Lena.” Lillian crossed her arms.

“Mother.” Lena crossed her arms.

“That’s all you have to say after not coming home for spring break? How was your little vacation to Mexico?”

“Fine.” Lena wondered how long they could converse giving only one word answers.

“Hmp.” Lillian looked out of place surrounded by the cheap dorm room furniture in her business suit and heels. “So why didn’t you tell me you and Kara were dating?”

Lena’s eyeballs widen in surprise. “What?” she sputtered, “We aren’t dating!” She denied with as much conviction as she could muster.

Lillian took a step closer to her daughter’s bulletin board of pictures from the year. “Then why, prey tell, are your foreheads pressed together in all of these pictures?”

Lena’s eyebrows came together in confusion, eyes trailing over all of the pictures that just happened to have her and Kara together. “That’s just what you do to take a picture….”

Lillian looked skeptical. “You’re trying to tell me that you are not dating this girl?” Lillian asked pointing to a particularly damning photo of Lena and Kara sightseeing in Mexico, faces pressed together, Kara’s arm swung comfortably around the shorter woman’s shoulders, both laughing at something Kara was pointing to off in the distance.

“No, of course not!” Lena hoped her blush was explained by the anger she felt towards her mother and not the fluster caused by the memories of what they had done immediately after taking that photo.

“Good. Because Luthors don’t date women-“

Lena interrupted with a sarcastic laugh and asked “You’re telling me Lex is gay now?”

Lillian let out an exasperated sigh, as if she was the one who had the right to be annoyed right now. “You know what I mean, Lena. I will not have all of Luthorcorp prattling on about Lex’s sister and her sexual deviances.”

Lena shook her head in disbelief. “I doubt anybody at Luthercorp cares what I do.”

“You’re going to work there, sooner than you think, and you need to uphold the Luthor name,” Lillian finally turned away from the picture collage that Lena was quickly regretting not taking a better look at before. “Don’t forget why you are here, Lena. To get your degree so you can be helpful to the company. Not to go around doing…. Whatever it is you’re doing.” Lillian finished with a vague gesture of her arm, attempting to sum up the frivolity of everything in Lena’s life.

“Great, thanks for the reminder. Don’t you have a dinner to go to?” Lena said as she stepped in front of the collage, doing her best to physically block the parade of questioning.

“Of course. I don’t want to keep you from your studying.” Lillian gave Lena a quick kiss on the cheek as Lena rolled her eyes again, opening the door, and just barely stopping herself from shoving her mother out forcefully.

\--

At hibachi, Lena was gradually moving her veggies around the place as the white sauce slowly fused together each grain of rice. Her head rested on her palm and while she could feel Kara looking at her, she wasn’t sure how much of the Lillian visit she should share.

“She thought we were dating…” Lena looked up to see Kara’s eyebrows shoot upwards. “Because of some pictures from Mexico.”

Kara gulped. “What exactly did you take pictures of in Mexico?”

Lena scoffed, “Kara. It was just a picture of us in front of one of the museums. But apparently our faces are too close. Something about forehead touching.”

“Well that’s crazy.” Kara shrugged and waved off Lillian’s worries. “I touch foreheads with all kinds of people. Was she mad?” Now Kara had stopped shoveling food in her mouth and was also redesigning her plate, pushing the chicken from one side to the other.

“I mean it doesn’t matter. We’re not…. Dating, anyways.” Lena looked down at her plate and finally pierced a piece of broccoli with intent to try to eat something. Lillian always left her a little mad, a little disparaged, and a little nauseous.  
Kara nodded but still looked distressed.

\--

Not long after Lillian’s impromptu visit, Kara had a much more welcomed family visitor. Lena had heard a lot about her sister Alex, but had yet to meet her despite being friends with Kara for almost two years. Kara’s baseline level of excitement for life was increased several fold by the promise of a Danvers sisters’ reunion. Winn had invited everyone over for game night and Kara had already assured sister domination to anybody that would listen. Lena was nervous, though she didn’t really know why. It’s not like she was going to meet her girlfriend’s family, after all, Kara wasn’t even her girlfriend. No, it was probably just that she wanted to impress someone who was so important to her best friend. Kara’s adoptive family sounded like a completely different experience than hers had been. Kara only talked about the Danvers with love and that was something Lena couldn’t wrap her head around.

Lena took the opportunity granted to her by game night to try to learn as much about Alex as possible. The first thing Lena gleaned about Alex was that she was deeply competitive and had the knowledge and skill to back it up. Game night got started with a few rounds of Celebrity, with Lena and the Danvers’ sisters forming a formidable dream team. However, they weren’t even allowed to dominate for one round before the others were trying to dismantle their dynasty. In the end, it turned out to be impossible to thwart all three of them because however they split up, each pair brought something special to the table. Alex and Kara had shared knowledge of 90s pop culture, Alex and Lena had joint knowledge of science and technology, and Kara and Lena loved music; there was just no escaping the growing Danvers/Luthor connection.

Alex read the first slip of paper. “Oh, this female scientist didn’t get any of the recognition she deserved because of her male coworkers…”

Lena cut in, “Marie Curie! Dorothy Vaughan!”

Alex, shook her head knowing that list could go on forever, and clarified with a shout of “DNA!”

“Rosalind Franklin!” Lena couldn’t help but feel proud noting the smirk of approval she got when she guessed Alex’s clues correctly.

They moved on to charades, which is where Lena got a firsthand view of how protective Alex was of Kara. Lena was pleased to see that the rest of the group continued to make an effort to keep the power trio separate. This time she was teamed up with Alex, Kara on the outside struggling without her true teammates. On one unfortunate set of clues, Kara was dancing around the room, clearly (or at least clearly to Lena and Alex) acting out _Center Stage _. When her team continued to look at her blankly, Kara hopped up onto the coffee table, attempted exactly one dance move when she lost her balance, knocked over a cup spewing Winn with beer, and nearly fell off head first before she was caught by a remarkably quick moving Alex.__

__Winn, wiping the liquid dribbling from his hair over his eyes, sputtered, “Ugh, Kara. Was that really necessary?”_ _

__Alex, letting her older sister protectiveness take center stage (so to speak), pronounced, “Well maybe if you guys weren’t IDIOTS, you would have guessed the movie before she had to perform ballet on your table.” Everyone, including Lena, leaned a little away from the fiery brunette. Kara seemed understandably apologetic over the spilled beer and put a calming hand on Alex’s shoulder before going to grab a dish towel to help clean the sticky mess._ _

__They moved on to King Cup. Lena, continuing to add to her mental log of Alex traits, logged that the older sister was infuriatingly good at both remembering all of the stupid rules as well as enforcing them. Not only did she always remember to remove the little man before taking a sip of beer, but she caught Lena forgetting to address her as “Director Danvers” on two separate irritating occasions after Alex gleefully created the rule. After mistakenly overlooking Alex’s new title, Lena made it a point to only address the older sister as Director for the remained of the weekend, which Lena hoped Alex found tremendously charming._ _

__\--_ _

__Kara spent all of Saturday showing Alex around campus, including flaunting their winning tornado bot with pride. For dinner she asked Lena to meet them at the dinning hall. It seemed like a strange place to take your sibling when they are visiting, but apparently Alex had fond memories and was dying to relive her college time there. Lena was unsure what the draw of cafeteria food was for the Danvers sisters but was honored to be invited to crash their sister date._ _

__With three trays piled high, they sat in an open corner. They had almost the whole hall to themselves, turns out Saturday night wasn’t the most popular mealtime for on campus eating. Lena’s plate was covered in salad, and she couldn’t help but laugh at the variety and amount of food the sisters had accumulated during their first sweep._ _

__Alex seemed more relaxed during their second meeting which helped Lena relax a little, too. They were recapping the most recent Winn and James escapades (including them dressing in head to toe matching color outfits for each computer science class, betting on when their professor would break down and ask what they were doing), when Kara excused herself to load up a few more plates._ _

__Lena was taken aback the abrupt change in the older sister’s demeanor. Once Kara was out of sight, she cut off her smile midlaugh, leaned forward towards Lena and looked her straight in the eye. Lena arched an eyebrow but stood her ground, leaving the two ladies’ faces close together, just past the point of comfort._ _

__“Look, you seem like a nice kid. Smart. Well off. You make Kara happy. I get that. But if you hurt her, I will come for you.”_ _

__Lena’s face creased in confusion. “What?”_ _

__Alex tried again, this time annunciating each syllable with force. “If you hurt her, I will hurt you.”_ _

__And before Lena could formulate a response, Kara was rounding the corner, new tray in tow. Alex leaned back in her chair and with a smile plastered on her face. Lena took a quick look at Alex’s narrowed eyes and forced a smile on her own face._ _

__Kara, not sensing the new tension, sat down with three plates of the same dessert. “Guys. FLUFF PIE IS BACK!”_ _

__Lena made a face that fully captured her feelings of revulsion to the pie that was essentially a pile of cool whip with various candy bits strewn on top._ _

__Kara, looked with a frown at her plates, pulling all three closer like a mama bear protecting her young, “Don’t make that face. These are all for me thank you very much.”_ _

__Lena sighed with acceptance. It was probably for the best. She didn’t have much of an appetite now anyways._ _

__\--_ _

__Lena knew it was only a matter of time before their acrobatic balancing act of continuing their nightly meet ups while digging their heels into denial, would eventually overturn in a dramatic free fall into the truth, but for now she liked living in oblivious bliss. One small push into the light happened the following Sunday morning._ _

__Kara had come over the night before after Sam left for John’s. They had already had breakfast, lounging on the floor pillows, but were in no rush to detangle their bodies after the night spent in each other’s arms. Luckily, they were fully dressed because there was no warning before the door popped open, announcing the return of Lena’s wayward roommate. Also, lucky, was the fact that their interlocked bodies and fully connected mouths were partially blocked by a dresser from the door. Still, they burst apart like water in hot oil, a full foot apart by the time Lena greeted Sam._ _

__Lena had no idea how she herself looked, but one glance at Kara and she saw all of the telltale signs of their morning activities. Kara’s hair was disheveled, her lips were puffy, and her face was flushed like a ripe tomato. No matter what Sam did or did not see over the dresser, the tension in the room was unsettling._ _

__Kara, always one to handle stressful situations well, stood bolt upright, almost knocking her head against the bunked bed, and quickly slurred, “Okaygottagobye!” before beelining past the confused roommate and forcefully shutting the door behind her._ _

__Lena slowly turned back to Sam with dread. “Hey,” was all she managed to say on her first attempt._ _

__Sam, who was still standing by the door with her bag slung over one shoulder, raised an eyebrow in response. “Hi.”_ _

__Lena stood up from the floor pillows and tried to casually lean against the dresser as she edged around the matter at hand. “Well, um, not sure what you saw, but, ah, it’s just…. Kara and I…. we make out some times.”_ _

__Sam casually tossed her bag towards her closet. “Oh.” She shrugged. “She’s cute.”_ _

__Lena, unsure of what to do with her hands, was fiddling with her hand band, trying not to look at Sam. “Yeah.”_ _

__“And real nice.” Sam took a step towards her nervous friend and put a reassuring hand on her shoulder. “You know I don’t care about that kind of thing, right? I just want you to be happy?”_ _

__Lena felt the tension in her shoulder start to release, but felt like her head was still paralyzed gazing at the loops and turns of the band as she twisted it between her fingers. She was unable to look up to meet Sam’s gaze but couldn’t believe the relief she felt after finally admitting aloud what was happening. Well, okay, a slim segment of what was happening. But more truthful than she had been with herself for most of the semester._ _

__Sam took the hint and let the awkward conversation settle around them, knowing Lena could talk to her when she was ready. “Anyways, I’m going to jump in the shower.” She gave Lena’s shoulder a swift squeeze and left Lena to sort through her feelings on her own._ _

__Lena let out a breath, walked over to her desk, and plopped down. She didn’t even have time to process what had just happened before she noticed her computer screen was flashing. She had one guess who would be messaging her on Sunday morning._ _

SuperKaraBot- OMG did she see?  
SuperKaraBot- what’s going on over there?  
SuperKaraBot- lena?  
SuperKaraBot- should i come back over?  
SuperKaraBot- i’m sorry i just ran out, but i didn’t know what else to do  
SuperKaraBot- lena? 

Lena let a small laugh. How did Kara get home some quick? Did she fully spring from one dorm to the other? Her and Sam talked for maybe 2 minutes max and Kara already had a whole conversation with herself. 

__LilLuth0r- i don’t know what she actually saw, but i told her that we kiss sometimes…  
SuperKaraBot- AND?  
LilLuth0r- she was fine  
LilLuth0r- great  
LilLuth0r- said you were cute  
SuperKaraBot- huh. well great  
LilLuth0r- what were you going to do? come back over here and fight her if she was mean?  
SuperKaraBot- if you wanted me to?  
LilLuth0r- i appreciate it but i don’t think sams our enemy  
SuperKaraBot- :)  
SuperKaraBot- study later?  
LilLuth0r- yeah, i’ll meet you at our table 

__Lena let out a sigh of relief. Sam knew that sometimes her and Kara kissed and seemed perfectly okay with the situation. Kara made no move to terminate their arrangement even though they had been caught in a compromising position. The world didn’t explode. Maybe, just maybe, everything would be okay._ _

__\--_ _

__After walking in on Lena, Sam made it a point to always text her roommate when she was on her way back in the morning. She never mentioned the kissing again, but Lena did find a pamphlet about the LGBT center on campus on her desk one afternoon which she promptly shoved into her desk drawer. Much like her feelings which she kept in locked boxes in her brain, she thought if she could hide everything out of sight, she wouldn’t have to deal with actually processing anything that was happening her in life.  
Lena got more and more comfortable in the bubble she created for herself, enjoying Kara’s company while hiding the growing relationship not only from their friends but from themselves as well. Lena didn’t think about how they had no more lines to cross, how she wanted to spend every bit of her time with Kara, or how the overwhelming feeling of love that made her profess her feelings in Mexico now occurred on almost a daily basis. Lena had managed to stop herself from saying the three little words again but it was a constant struggle, not just when Kara touched her in ways no one else did, but when Kara made her laugh when they were studying for the finals in the library. Or when Kara brought her a slice of key lime pie without asking, knowing it was Lena’s favorite. _ _

__Lena had just finished said pie when Kara let out a distraught groan. Lena looked up in surprise, distress was not often Kara’s response to the dining hall._ _

__“Do you think anybody will notice this chocolate stain on my shirt?” Kara asked, her glasses sliding down her nose as she stretched her shirt to see how far down the sauce had traveled._ _

__Lena looked at Kara’s navy Power to the Girls shirt, chocolate sauce drizzling down the W all the way to the R, making the white writing illegible. Lena hesitantly answered, knowing the truth would be better in the long run. “I think, unfortunately, everyone will notice that. I’m sorry, I know this shirt is your favorite.”_ _

__Kara quickly checked her watch. “Do you think we have time to run by my dorm before we start our afternoon of studying?”_ _

__“Oh definitely. We can study anytime.”_ _

__They headed back to Kara’s dorm, discussing different stain removal techniques that Kara had tried in the past. It sounded like chocolate was particularly hard to get out, but Kara also had a lot of practice with it. Lena had every hope that she would save her favorite shirt._ _

__Lena plopped down at Kara’s desk while Kara picked out a fresh top. Lena didn’t mean to look at Kara’s computer, but it was open. And an IM window was flashing. And before she knew it, she was reading what was clearly a private message for her friend._ _

__Winnorlose- have you thought anymore about dinner and a movie? ;)_ _

__Lena felt the blood drain from her face, leaving her pale skin only a few shades away from translucent. She felt a wave of jealousy, mingled with fury, at the idea of her friend, her BEST friend, going on a date with Winn. Ugh, Winn. Who did he think he was asking HER BEST friend on a date?_ _

__Kara, while slipping a chocolate-free shirt over her head was still talking to Lena about her plan for stain management “So, I think if I get it soaking now-“ When she turned and saw the look on Lena’s face, stopping abruptly. “Lena, what’s wrong?”  
Lena turned quickly from the computer screen, like a guilty child caught in the act of taking a cookie from the cookie jar. She tried to shake off the remorse as she fumbled for words. She shouldn’t be mad, after all this was what they talked about. If Kara wanted to date -internal groan- Winn, then Lena had no right to stand in the way. “Ah, it’s nothing. Just something I saw on your computer, but I shouldn’t have read it. I didn’t mean to it was just open and…”_ _

__Meanwhile, Kara paced over the computer to see what exactly had broken through her friends carefully controlled emotions. “Oh, Lena. I’m not going out with Winn.”_ _

__Lena answered too quickly, trying to cover her relief. “You could, you know. I mean if you wanted to. You could.”_ _

__Kara gave Lena a skeptical look. “Yeah, I guess.”_ _

__Lena bristled. “You could! I’m not going to stop you!”_ _

__Kara took a deep breath, “Okay, okay. We don’t have to talk about this right now.”_ _

__“What’s that supposed to mean?” Lena asked, crossing her arms across her chest._ _

__“It’s not supposed to mean anything. We don’t have to talk about it.” Kara said with surrender._ _

__“Talk about what?” Lena prodded again. She didn’t want Kara to get the wrong idea about their relationship. She had to convince Kara that she could date who she wanted. She had to convince herself that Kara could date who she wanted._ _

__Kara timidly grimaced and explained, “I don’t know… about how mad you just got when you thought I was going out on a date with Winn?”_ _

__“I’m not mad!” Lena practically yelled, knowing immediately from her own tone that her statement was substantially false. She took a calming breath and tried to get a handle on her emotions. Her and Kara were just friends. She just wanted Kara to be happy. She shouldn’t have looked at her computer screen, but it was fine. Everything was fine._ _

__Kara sat down on the armrest of the white couch; body turned towards Lena, who was still in her desk chair. Lena’s armed uncrossed as she tried to wrap up her emotions and jam them back into the tiny boxes where they belonged. Kara continued to look Lena in the eye until Lena broke._ _

__Damnit, Lena swore to herself. Stupid Kara and her stupid earnest face and her always knowing what Lena was actually thinking. She closed her eyes for a second and then let the truth worm its way out of the box. “Okay, I was mad.”_ _

__“Yeah?” Kara asked, reaching for to hold Lena’s hand._ _

__“Yeah.” Lena paused as she searched her best friend’s eyes. They were half way off the cliff, might as well jump off of it now. “I was really mad. Jealous.”_ _

__Kara softly responded, “I would be mad if you dated somebody else, too.”_ _

__Maybe it was Kara’s gentle, matter of fact admission of her feelings. Or maybe it was the fact that their fingers were intertwined in such a way that felt more like home than any trip to the Luthor mansion. Either way, suddenly Lena felt the lies she had told herself all semester were finally crashing down. Much to Lena’s surprise, instead of feeling crushed in their wake, she felt lighter than the had in months. As if she might just float away had she not been tethered by Kara’s hand._ _

__Unable to control the feelings tumbling out of their cages, but not able to meet Kara’s eyes, Lena said “I think I love you, Kara,” while staring at their interlocked hands._ _

__Kara smiled. “I think you told me that already.”_ _

__Lena chanced a glance into the sincere blue eyes. “No, but I think I love you like all the time, not just in some fantasy world. And I definitely do not want to have to share you with anybody else.” She breathlessly waited for a response to the truth she had been hiding from herself for so long._ _

__Kara’s face lit up in a smile as she slowly leaned forward, capturing Lena’s lips with hers. Kara brought her other hand to Lena’s hair as Lena’s tongue slipped into Kara’s eager mouth. They broke apart, breathing deeply through their noses, as their foreheads came together. Lena couldn’t help the relieved smile that spread across her face._ _

__“I think I love you all the time, too,” Kara divulged, hands threading through dark hair._ _

__Lena looked at Kara, perched on the armrest, eyes closed, still trying to collect her breath. An urge to continue this horizontally overtook Lena, so she gathered her hands together on Kara’s chest and gently shoved her backwards. She couldn’t help but giggle as Kara’s eye sprung open in surprise, arms flailing helplessly until her back reached the loveseat’s soft cushions. As Lena climbed on top, a look of understanding dawned on the blonde, a huge grin overtaking her features._ _

__“Oh I wish Winn had asked me out months ago…” Kara said smugly._ _

__“Shut up.” Lena made sure her request was fulfilled by locking their mouths together again. As Lena felt Kara’s warm hands hitch under her shirt, she brought her knee up between Kara’s thighs, eliciting a moan that made her deepen the kiss._ _

A loud laugh echoing just outside the dorm room brought the two women back to their present situation. They froze, all four hands in incriminating places, as they listened to the laugh slowly fade down the hall. 

Lena sighed. “Is your roommate going to be back soon?" 

Kara wiggled a little out from under her and responded reluctantly, “I honestly have no idea.” She shifted, lifting her head to look around the room. “We could try to block the door with… a dresser?” 

__“Hm. That might be just as hard to explain.” Lena pushed her chest off of Kara, letting the blond retract her legs so they could sit side by side like two normal people should said roommate surprise them._ _

__Kara nevertheless leaned over and grabbed Lena’s hand as she laid her head back on the back of the small couch. “So, we’re doing this?”_ _

__Lena nodded, laying her head back as well. “Yeah. We’re doing this.” A look of horror blew past her features as she realized what this meant. “Oh, god, I’ve got to tell my mother she was right.”_ _

__Kara scoffed. “No rush there. I should probably tell Alex, though. She made some interesting comments while she was visiting.”_ _

__“Oh, she definitely knows. She threatened me…”_ _

__Kara sat bold upright. “She what?!”_ _

__Lena laughed. “In the nicest, most big sister endearing way possible.”_ _

__Kara clapped her hand over her face. “Well, whatever. People can know when they know. Right now, I’m just glad I have you.”_ _

___\--_  
[present day]  
Lena was staring off into space wondering how on earth they got through being such idiots in college. She glanced at the photos on the wall documenting all that she and Kara had been through- graduation, grad school, wedding, multiple pride parades- and smiled to herself noting how their faces were squished together in each one. Some things don’t change. She shook her head to stop reminiscing and cleared her throat. “Okay, enough traveling down memory lane. Let’s get back to the task at hand.” 

Kara opened up the laptop that had been sitting idle in her lap and refreshed the cryobank webpage. “I just don’t know how we are going to pick… how do you decide who you want your genetic material smashed up with?” 

__Lena sighed. “I don’t know.” Kara was scrolling through the seemingly infinite number of profiles attached to cute childhood photos, personal essays, and survey upon survey of information. “Let’s filter out the actors.”_ _

__Kara gave her wife a grimace. “I don't know if there's an option to filter out actors...”_ _

__“Oh! Also athletic!”_ _

__Kara couldn’t help but snort. “You’re suddenly into athletes now?”_ _

__“I mean, if we are shopping for sperm, I want the best sperm.” Lena said with authority._ _

__“I just don’t want him to be a dick.”_ _

__“There’s definitely no filter for that, Kara.”_ _

__Kara hmmm and patiently explained, “I’m just going to read the staff impressions. See this one? There’s a whole paragraph saying ‘He’s so nice and always stops to say hello’ not a dick.” She clicked on another one. “This one just says ‘He was on time.’ That’s the only positive thing you have to say about him? He’s a dick.”_ _

__Lena groaned and crossed her arms. Kara turned and gave her an inquisitive look to which Lena responded, “I just didn’t think it would be this hard.”_ _

__Kara brought her eyebrows together, trying to read between the lines and figure out what her wife was actually worried about. “This hard to pick out sperm?”_ _

__“No, the whole thing. It just feels like there’s not an easy option. And I don’t want to mess this up. I don’t want to bring a kid into the world just to mess them up.”_ _

__Kara reached for her wife’s hands and absent mindedly played with her wedding band. “We don’t have to do it like this, there are lots of different options….”_ _

__“I know. But whatever we choose our family is still going to be… different.”_ _

__“No family is perfect. You of all people should know that.”_ _

__Lena didn’t know what to say other than repeat her biggest fear. “It took me so long to be okay with us… and then I was happy and proud, you know? I didn’t realize that it would keep coming up. I just don’t want to mess them up.”_ _

__Kara laughed. “Oh we are definitely messing them up. But only because all parents mess up their kids. Then you pay for their therapy and it’s fine.” Lena huffed. “Seriously, Lena, you and I are going to be great parents. It doesn’t matter that we are two moms or whatever. I love you and I’m going to love them and you are going to love them.”_ _

__Lena let out a soft, “Yeah…”_ _

__“All they are going to want is people that love them and that are doing their best. And don’t think I haven’t seen you already picking out parenting books. You aren’t going to be like Lillian. Plus, you have me. You’ve always had me. You’ll always have me.”_ _

__Lena leaned her head on her wife’s shoulder. It was true. They’d had each other a long time, even before they accepted it._ _

__\--_ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tumblr ravenclawswimmer

**Author's Note:**

> tumblr ravenclawswimmer


End file.
